Driving Me Crazy OR Caught with My Pants Off

Song Lyric of the Day:

I am gettin so hot / I wanna take my clothes off

Nelly / “Hot in Herre”

11:19PM.
Saturday night, Rich and I hit Pancho’s Mexican Restaurant for dinner. Then, forgetting that there was a UT home game and not noticing that the game just ended, we drove into downtown with the intention of getting on the highway to go to Best Buy (yes, again). After noticing the hordes of people adorned in UT Vols orange-and-white, we uttered some curses and inched our way to the highway (although a traffic jam in Knoxville is an absolute dream compared to one in Hampton Roads). Once on the highway, Rich called Sharon at home in Chesapeake and put her on speakerphone so we managed to have a fun phone call while we made our way to the nearest highway exit. Once at Best Buy, I set about deciding how to spend the last of my birthday cash from Papa Doug and Momma Carol. I ended up choosing the DVD of “Galaxy Quest,” a hilarious movie about a “Star Trek”-like show and how actual aliens believe the show’s “crew” can save them. So thanks to Papa Doug and Momma Carol for the DVD, book, and CD they gave me for my birthday. I’m planning on going back to the store tomorrow to buy season 2 of “Arrested Development” on DVD and “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” season 1 on DVD. Then my birthday gift cards will finally be spent. Then I’m done buying myself stuff until Christmas.

Yesterday Mom, Vanessa, Tamara, and I headed out on a mini-road trip in search of wedding chapels in the mountains of Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge. The trip was essentially a bust, since traffic was a nightmare and we only found two wedding chapels, one of which I would swear used to be a taco drive-thru restaurant. Throughout the drive, our conversations ranged from bizarre to flat-out insane. And for some reason the bodily function of peeing was mentioned an inordinate number of times. Once we’d inched our way back out of the mountains, we stopped at T.G.I. Friday’s for lunch to stave off Mom starving to death; she made numerous references to how we never ate on time when we were in Las Vegas and how it was all my fault, which led to her saying how I tried to kill her in Las Vegas by walking so fast all the time. Bad Pattie.

We drove back into Knoxville and stopped at the mall so Tamara could pick up her pre-ordered Clinique order from Proffitt’s (it’s bonus time). Tamara then recalled a friend’s description of a bed and breakfast-type house on the backroads nearby that supposedly hosted weddings, so we set off to find that. Turns out it’s the Maple Grove Inn on Westland Drive. It’s so beautiful there that I can see myself remarrying Rich there or marrying Wentworth for the first time there. Of course, looking at their website later on and seeing the package prices, Vanessa decided to look for something a bit more economical. Smart girl.

After returning to my house, Vanessa came in to say bye to Rich and then she took Mom home. Tamara hung out for a while, during which time we googled one of her fantasy guys, Ryan Reynolds, and watched the first three episodes of the third season of “Arrested Development,” which are so funny I can’t bring myself to erase them off Tivo just yet, even after repeat viewings (“Taste the happy, Michael. Taste it.” “Tastes kind of like sad.”).

Tamara left at around 7PM, after which I set about typing up the first three pages of every Patricia Cornwell book, which will be used on her new website. Rich is part of the team creating her new site, so I got to help out. He rocks.

I met Vanessa and Mom for lunch today to see Vanessa off before she headed back for Clarksville. I swung by Samantha’s office on my way home but missed her since she was on lunch. I then came home and wrote a cover letter and updated a resume for a relative; I’ll say who it is when I hear if they got the job. I know they are more than qualified for the job–I did write the resume, after all.

I ended up having to go on a cleaning bender this afternoon when Rich called to let me know that our friend Christian was here in Knoxville and would be coming to the house tonight. So, being the closet exhibitionist that I am, I was running around the house wearing only a shirt and undies. I was also running outside to throw out trash or load recyclables into the Xterra, which is when I heard the familiar screeching of Rich’s Altima’s brakes. He wouldn’t be home already, not having called to give me a heads up and tell me to put on clothes, would he? It sure looked like he was alone as he drove up the driveway. Until he parked the Altima and it hit me that Christian was also in the car; I just hadn’t been able to see him in the passenger seat. Oh, $#@%! I slammed the Xterra’s back door shut, and hauled a$$ into the house to get dressed. As I ran in a panic through the hallway to my bedroom, the dogs were tripping me up, thinking I was playing around. I got dressed in record time and ran through the bedroom to the sliding glass door, where Rich was almost doubled-over laughing. I said a few choice words and he went back out to tell Christian that I was now decent and it was safe to come in. After greeting Christian and congratulating him on the baby on the way, I set about making myself scarce so the guys could catch up. I offered to pick up a To Go order at our local Ruby Tuesday restaurant so Rich and Christian could continue hanging out together. Christian was gracious enough to treat us to dinner, so I ran out and picked up the food. The guys retreated back to the office with their food and to their “World of Warcraft” game, and I ate my dinner at the kitchen counter accompanied by the latest issue of US magazine. Done with my meal, I grabbed our DVD box set of “Firefly” and retreated downstairs to our bedroom. My goal is to have the whole series viewed in the next couple of days so Rich and I can see “Serenity” at Mom’s theater this week. I’m three episodes in and loving it, which is no surprise considering I love anything Joss Whedon creates. Around 10PM, Rich knocked on the door and asked if I was still decent. I said yes, and he and Christian came in so I could say bye to Christian before Rich drove him back to his hotel downtown. It was great to see Christian, if only for a short while, and I really wish Kathy had been here, too. Maybe we’ll get to see her (and the kids) in the near future.

And that’s what happened this weekend.

3 Comments

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3 Responses to Driving Me Crazy OR Caught with My Pants Off

  1. Flossy

    That has to be the funniest thing I have heard all week! LMAO!!!! It was bound to happen tho..too bad I missed it!

  2. Boriqua

    Yeah, Rich said he told Christian he wasn’t going to call me to teach me a lesson. Lesson learned.

  3. shera1432

    When did you turn into SUCH a freak! Ken that the story was hysterical FYI. Poor Christian! And why in the world would you load your car without your da*n pants on?!?!?! I know you are at the top of that hill, but come on man! You were asking to get busted.

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