The Most Depressing Day of the Year

Song Lyric of the Day:

Cos nobody loves me / It’s true / Not like you do

Portishead / “Sour Times”

3:43PM.
That wanker British scientist, Dr. Cliff Arnall, is back in the news today. Thanks to his scientific meddling, Dr. Arnall has declared that today, January 24, is the most depressing day of the year. So it is on that SOB’s shoulders where I firmly lay the blame for my extra-special pity party today. As you know, I got laid off from my job back in September. Since then, despite job hunting every single week since then–and being a former professional resume writer–my only interview–hell, my only callback–has been with a talent agency. That’s right. Apparently, my prospects of becoming a working actress and/or model are infinitely higher than my continued career path as a degreed technical writer. Go figure.

To that bitter end, I am going to post a resume objective and summary I wrote way back in 1999 when my boss asked that I create a fake resume so we could see how it would look online. In the interest of getting a potential employer’s attention, landing myself on a government watchlist (bring it on, Dubya!), and simply being myself, here it is:

Objective

• To become the Supreme Ruler of the World. Will contribute strengths in leadership, world domination, manipulation, and strategic planning. Will draw from lifelong obsession with the board game Risk to strengthen power over the world’s minions.

Summary

• Offer a solid foundation of controlling impulses, Machiavellian thinking, and delusions of grandeur that qualifies me for position as Supreme Ruler of the World.
• Leadership skills will be used to dominate and crush the spirits of the weak.
• Strong organizational skills will be a benefit for facilitating simultaneous international takeovers.
• Fluent in Spanish, and love cats and dogs.

References provided upon request.