An Open Letter to CBS

Song Lyric of the Day:

I wait peacefully / Now I’m waiting for a signal or a sound

TV On the Radio / “Satellite”

9:57PM.

Dear CBS,

We’ve been together for a few years now. Sure, I’ve known of you since I was but a wee fetus (you are much older, after all), but these last few years I really feel our relationship has hit its stride. You’ve become one of my closest friends. I run home to you on nights when no one else will do. Where to begin? CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Without a Trace, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, Cold Case, Late Show With David Letterman, Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson are a start. And how can I not commend you for featuring my Fantasy Second Husband© (love you, boo!), Wentworth Miller, in a guest appearance on Ghost Whisperer‘s series premiere?

This year our relationship has only been strengthened by the completely justified cancellations of Love Monkey and Smith, both after only three episodes. Understandable, of course. Because every single successful TV show in history has found its loyal, core audience in three episodes or less. And charming, funny shows about young, New York City-based record company executives and thrilling, dramatic crime shows featuring antagonists as the protagonists have been overdone to the point of being boring. Tom Cavanagh‘s charisma and wit (and terrific supporting cast) aren’t needed in today’s TV landscape. I think I made it pretty clear early on what I thought about the nerve this quirky, original show had. Talk about cojones!

And, as a woman, I appreciate you taking someone as blindingly attractive (and talented) as Simon Baker off the air. Now, he was nothing but a distraction from housework. I mean, look at him:
How on earth was I going to ever get anything done around the house? My husband thanks you, too.

I also think that Academy Award-nominated movie stars Ray Liotta and Virginia Madsen, and the impressive Amy Smart, were way out of their league in a weekly, movie-quality TV show with top-notch production values. I won’t even get started on how likeable Jonny Lee Miller is. And the natural, darkly comic interaction between Baker’s and Miller’s characters? Pish posh.

Sure, you finally, quietly put all seven filmed episodes (including the four unaired ones) of Smith online*, but who wants to waste their time watching them? And for free, no less? Being left hanging after three episodes, seeing the twisty directions in which the show was headed and the possibilities that promised, well, that should be enough. Case closed.

Even more icing on the cake came in the form of the multi-talented Kevin Federline’s appearance on CSI earlier this season. Nothing, but nothing, lets fans know TV show writers, producers, and network executives genuinely have a show’s fans in mind when they dare to cast such a gifted individual in a pivotal guest role. Frankly, he was so impressive I almost didn’t notice the rest of the cast. I mean, look at him:

But what has really, truly made me see the good in you — and love you all the more for it — is Without a Trace‘s move from Thursday night to Sunday night this season. Brilliant! I didn’t remotely enjoy watching my favorite drama at 10PM on Thursdays last season. Talk about inconvenient! All of us WAT fans are now guaranteed to tune in Sunday night no matter what, least of all because we have to make sure TiVo manages to record the entire show thanks to football overruns. (Poor Cold Case…) I also like knowing that a new show airing at the same time on another network is putting the hurt on WAT‘s ratings, since WAT deserves nothing more than to be knocked down a (Nielsen) peg or two.

So thank you, CBS. Thank you for always having us fans at heart when deciding which shows should continue on or be put out of their (and our) misery. Thank you for well-thought out, non-publicity-seeking casting decisions. Thanks for your genius scheduling changes. And, before I forget, thanks so much for the quality reality programs you have gifted the world. Nothing beats a well-written, well-acted, quality original TV show than mass-produced, carbon copy reality programming.

Now if only Fox would get its act together. First, they do the right thing and cancel O.J. Simpson’s book deal and TV show. Then they announce that Prison Break‘s second half will likely return to the airwaves almost two months earlier than planned, thanks to improved ratings and fan demand. Come January, we’ll see season six of 24, uninterrupted by pesky repeats and lengthy hiatuses for its entire run. Talk about a network having its head up its ass.

Sincerely, your loyal viewer,

Patricia Sanchez Lee

P.S.–I’m still having nightmares about that ugly Simon Baker. I mean, look at him:


Gorgeous smile, thick, wavy blond hair, clear blue eyes? Yuck.

*Discovered upon a fortuitous visit to SimonSphere.

2 Comments

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2 Responses to An Open Letter to CBS

  1. Rich

    You do realize, that the most handsome man in the UNIVERSE is married to RIGHT NOW, and doesn’t even appear on ANY network channels (to date, yes I do realize channels is spelled with an “els” and not an “als”, dear.)

    Growl…

  2. camille

    Wow, Pattie, such dry wit! You should be a writer on one of the night-time comedy news shows! The photo of the door as Kevin Federline was a little too attractive and polished, though. It lacked his gansta, back-streets je ne sais quoi! Maybe you could find a photo of a filthy, grease-smeared door riddled with bullet holes, being urinated upon by a partially collapsed crack junkie–now that’s Kevin Federline.

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