The 12 Pounds of Christmas

Christmas Song Lyric of the Day:

And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage / He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger / And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger / Then he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen / Then he took a big bite and said “It tastes just like chicken!”

“Weird Al” Yankovic / “The Night Santa Went Crazy”

1:01PM.
Based on my recent Thanksgiving-initiated weight gain, an appropriate name for the period between turkey day and New Year’s Day could be “The Fattening.” Despite this post’s title, I haven’t actually gained 12 pounds, although I’m certainly on my way. Must…stop…eating. Jeans that once hung comfy and loose around my hips now feel — and look — more like sausage casings. That bloated belly — well, it turns out it’s not bloated. It’s just fat. If I want to see my abs, which I worked so hard over the summer to develop, I have to suck my stomach in so it almost touches my spine. And then I have to turn sideways and squint. Hard.

I find it interesting that of all the things we associate with the holidays — fellowship, love, faith — it’s eating that seems to take top billing (vying closely with shopping, no doubt). Work only fuels the round-the-clock snacking; today is the first day in several where a coworker has not brought in treats to share with everyone. However, another department received a gift basket yesterday with cookies and chocolates, so I hunted down the leftovers and ate a couple of butter cookies for a post-frozen meal lunch snack. Okay, I ate six. But four of those were tiny.

The sad thing is, I know I’ll be hungry again in about three hours — that’s just how my metabolism works. Fortunately, I won’t have to go far in search of snacks. I can hit the vending machine across the hall, raid my potato chip stash, grab more cookies, or stop by a coworker’s cubicle that is stocked with a communal candy bowl year-round. That bowl has been my downfall many, many times. It’s also been my salvation on the many occasions when nothing but chocolate will do.

Even though I know I’ll probably gain a few more pounds between now and the new year, I’m not going to sweat it. Because I know once we’re past the holidays it will be much, much easier to quit eating and snacking so much. In the meantime, I’ll have to comfort myself with the knowledge that most of my jeans are stretchy and will rebound to their normal contours. Much as I hope to do in a few weeks.

1:31PM.
Today kicks off my 12 days of Christmas Song Lyrics of the Day. This year, like last, I’ll be using a holiday song for each of the 12 days leading up to, and including, Christmas day. I’d like to use slightly more offbeat ones this year, so feel free to send your suggestions my way.