Revisiting Grief

Song Lyric of the Day:

All these things should make me happy / Make me happy to be alone again / But love is not these belongings / That surround me / Though there’s meaning / In the memories they hold / A breaking heart in an empty apartment / Was the loudest sound I never heard

The Submarines / “Brighter Discontent

As usual, the day after my birthday is an emotional crash for me. It has been since the day my maternal grandmother died the day after I turned 12. She’s been gone 21 years now, and I still cry for her as if she’d passed away only recently. And mourning her always leads to me mourning my other lost grandparents; this is why it’s so easy for me to spiral into a full-on depression around this time of year.

This year is twice as hard. Because today is the day my niece or nephew was due to be born. I like to think that he or she is with Abuela Tulita. I don’t know why, since it’s something so insignificant, but it makes me feel a little bit better to think they’re together. But only a little bit.

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