Category Archives: grief

Revisiting Grief

Song Lyric of the Day:

All these things should make me happy / Make me happy to be alone again / But love is not these belongings / That surround me / Though there’s meaning / In the memories they hold / A breaking heart in an empty apartment / Was the loudest sound I never heard

The Submarines / “Brighter Discontent

As usual, the day after my birthday is an emotional crash for me. It has been since the day my maternal grandmother died the day after I turned 12. She’s been gone 21 years now, and I still cry for her as if she’d passed away only recently. And mourning her always leads to me mourning my other lost grandparents; this is why it’s so easy for me to spiral into a full-on depression around this time of year.

This year is twice as hard. Because today is the day my niece or nephew was due to be born. I like to think that he or she is with Abuela Tulita. I don’t know why, since it’s something so insignificant, but it makes me feel a little bit better to think they’re together. But only a little bit.

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A Good Cry

Song Lyric of the Day:

By my side you’ll never be / By my side you’ll never be

Unkle Bob / “Swans

Today is the one-year anniversary of the day my grandmother died. I’ve been home alone all night and was already a bit weepy thinking about her, but that last scene of an already very emotional episode of Grey’s Anatomy, the one between Denny and Izzie, sent me over the edge. It really hit home how, no matter how recently or how long ago you lost a loved one, they’re never too far from your thoughts.

I really miss my Abuela Maria. Now if only I could stop crying.

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Abuela Maria

Song Lyric of the Day:

May God’s love be with you / Always / May God’s love be with you

Joseph Arthur / “In the Sun”

My grandmother died this morning. Mom called a little while ago and said, “I’m sorry I have to tell you this…” and I knew. Abuela Maria died at 6:39AM this morning. She was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and was hospitalized with pneumonia. My parents visited her just a few weeks ago, and she no longer recognized my mother. The last time I saw her was summer 2003. I’m grateful that I was able to see her fairly recently, but I keep remembering how we both started crying when we said goodbye, like we knew it would probably be the last time we saw each other. And now I just can’t stop crying.

All I can do is treasure the few, precious memories I have of her and know that at least when I remember her, it’s when she was still able to remember me.


Filed under grandmas, grandparents, grief, personal