Tag Archives: humor

Scene From a Marriage # 7,642

While opening Christmas stockings:

“Nickels? Two rolls of nickels?”

“I’m not very good at the stocking thing yet.”

“Clearly.”

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Scene From a Marriage #33,011

“And then we watched some Monsters vs. Aliens.”

“What?! Oh my God, I can’t believe you let her watch that!”

“Why not? She loves it.”

“Because it’s violent and scary, that’s why.¬†Wait, that’s not right, is it?”

“Good grief. You’re thinking of Alien vs. Predator.”

“Oh. Yeah, I am. Whoops. Wrong movie.”

“Puh-leez. If I were going to have Coraline watch an action movie, it would at least be a good one.”

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Scene From a Marriage # 32,349

After my pinky toe PIP reduction follow-up appointment:

“Want to see a picture? Look!”

Noticeably paling: “And this little piggy went ‘bleccccccch.'”

 

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Scene From a Marriage # 5,386

“Why does my puppy’s breath smell like a humidor?”

Gasping: “My cigar!”

“Your cigar?”

“I was smoking a cigar outside and tucked the unfinished part in the windowsill.”

“The puppy-level windowsill?”

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t think that one out, did you?”

*Believe it or not, this was Caleb, NOT Troubadour.

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Scene From a Marriage #31,974

After explaining to Coraline what a submarine is:

“You know, I’ve been on a submarine.”

“20,000 Leagues Under the Sea at Disney World doesn’t count.”

“Dammit.”

“I know how you think, boy.”

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Scene From a Marriage #31,915

While discussing our concurrent stomach illnesses:

“We need to buy more crackers. We need to buy Saltines. We need the most boring cracker known to man.”

Throwing his arms in the air: “Here I am!”

Falling over laughing: “Oh my God.”

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Scene From a Marriage #25,446

The tail end of a several-minutes long diatribe while discussing home improvement projects:

“I HATE that short hobbit toilet so much! Someday, when we replace it, I want to sledgehammer it to smithereens. I HATE it. It’s so gross. I keep expecting Ewan McGregor to pop up out of it.”

Sighing in exasperation: “Are you done?”

Taking a bow: “And scene!”

“Uh-huh.”

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Scene From a Marriage #30,932

“I realized Coraline’s first poop on the potty was on my birthday.”

“And just think — she picked this gift out all on her own. The real gift was doing it at my mom’s house so you wouldn’t have to deal with it.”

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Scene From a Marriage #7,447

Hearing approaching footsteps: “Peeing with the door open!”

Footsteps getting closer: “Peeing with the door open! PEEING WITH THE DOOR OPEN!!!”

Right outside of view of the door: “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to be peeing with the door open, would you?”

“Arrrrrggggggghhhhhh!”

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My Funny for the Day: Business Time

While we were visiting our friends in Columbus recently, one night they asked if we were fans of Flight of the Conchords. “Frodo, Don’t Wear the Ring” has always been at the top of my list, but I think that may have been knocked down a peg since Chris and Laura had us watch “Business Time.” Maybe it’s because I’ve been married almost 13 years, or maybe it’s because I could relate to the part about sorting the recycling (although never as foreplay), or maybe it’s just because I find this song hilarious, but I laughed so hard the first time I watched it I cried a bit. Things that strike me as so funny I cry are far and few between.

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