While shopping in a home improvement store: “Hey, do you want to buy some lye and a shovel, freak them out?”* “What is wrong with you?” Laughs in response. “Seriously — what’s wrong with you?” *One of us might have watched a few too many forensics shows in their lifetime.
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Scene From a Marriage #29,635
“You were really funny last night.” “See, I told you I’m a funny drunk!” “You’re not that kind of funny drunk.”
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Scene From a Marriage #28,883
“So if I got amnesia, how long would you work to make me fall in love with you again?” “Work? Pfft. You’d fall in love with me.” “Wow. Confident.” “Please. We were made for each other.”
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Scene From a Marriage #28,729
Looking up from the iPad and noticing American Horror Story: Asylum on the TV. “Thanks for that. Seeing that creepy guy with his skinned face. It’s going to give me nightmares. Ugh.” After a brief pause: “It wasn’t his skin.” Spouse* closes up iPad, gets up, and wordlessly leaves the…
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Scene From a Marriage # 26,535
During an hours-long car drive: “Since I’ve lost a few pounds I think I could fit into that outfit again.” “I remember when you first wore it. Your ass looked great in it.” “So you’re saying my ass doesn’t look great anymore? Is that it?” After a long pause, looks…
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Scene From a Marriage # 25,774
The evening after Rich’s shoulder surgery: “You know, when the pager went off way earlier than they said your surgery would be done, I panicked. I thought they were calling me back there to tell me they had to amputate your arm. I just knew that’s what it was when…
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Scene From a Marriage #27,001
While trying to find somewhere to turn the car around: “What was I thinking? I should never listen to you when it comes to driving directions. You have no sense of direction.” “Seriously — why did you listen to me?. ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame…
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Scene From a Marriage # 26,388
Looking at the iPad and reading aloud: “‘How to tell if you’re a hipster.'” “Does having a pair of panties that are called hipsters count?” “It does not. That just means you’re a parent.”
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Cabbage Patch Kids and Black Market Doll Adoptions
Song Lyric of the Day: Cabbage Patch Kids / Growing in the garden / Cabbage Patch Kids / Growing in the sun Cabbage Patch Kids commercial, circa mid-1980s When I was a wee youngling, my mom bought me a Cabbage Patch doll. Mom went through hell to get her, practically…
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Scene From a Marriage # 22,488
After hours of driving in a torrential downpour: “This always happens when I’m driving. You always get the good weather. I’m the one who gets the crap weather, while you get Snow White standing on the side of the road with birds on her fingers.” Laughing: “That’s not true. I’ve…