marriage

“If you had to go back in time to when you had to work and toil in the fields just to survive, how do you think you’d do?” “Honey, I’m pretty sure I’d be their first recorded suicide.”

“You know how F is S’s work husband? Well, I realized I don’t really have a work husband since I work with everybody about the same.” “Hello! I’M your work husband.” “Oh, honey, you don’t count since I’m actually married to you.”

“I’m so going to –“ “No, you cannot blog about this.” “Dammit.”

“What are you watching?” “Point Pleasant.” “What’s it about?” “It’s about a girl who’s the daughter of the devil.” “Of course it is.”

“Are you sure that’ll fit you?” “What? Are you saying I’m fat?” “No, it’s just that it looks small.” “It stretches. I can fit into this without any problem. Even though I’m apparently a whale.” “I didn’t say you’re fat or a whale –“ “Hmmph. If you’ll excuse me, I’m…

“Honey?” “Yeah?” “Can I ask you a, well, an unusual question?” Running down to sit on the spiral stairs with chin perched on hands: “Unusual? You’ve intrigued me. Ask away.” “Well … [CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION]?” “Wow. Just wow. You [CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION]?” “Told you it was unusual.”

Immediately upon finishing eating dinner: “You know, Troubadour ate cat poop today.” “Oh my God! Why didn’t you tell me that BEFORE he grabbed my sandwich?” Pausing. “Ugh. I think I’m going to be sick.” “Well, you cut off the bad end, didn’t you?” “I think I did, but I…

“Remind me sometime this week to go to Vanessa’s and trim her bush.“ “Did you really have to say it like that?”

A shouted conversation while watching TV downstairs in the bedroom while the spouse remained upstairs in the living room: “Hey!” “What?” “What is that music?” “Nothing!” “You’re watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire again, aren’t you?” “No!” “Yes you are! Don’t lie to me. I know the music…