Category Archives: Uncategorized

Song Lyric of the Day:

Nelly Furtado featuring Timbaland / “Promiscuous”

11:11AM.
Rich and I went on our first date nine years ago today. I hadn’t spoken to him in over a year, and he called me out of the blue.

“Guess who this is.”

A lot of hemming and hawing later I still had no clue. “I give. Who is this?”

“It’s Rich.”

“Oh, my God! How are you?”

“Good. I’m back in town.”

“Great!”

“Are you married?”

“No.”

“Engaged?”

“No.”

“Dating anyone?”

“No.”

“Kids?”

“No.”

“Wanna get some coffee?”

“Okay.”

And so it began. We met up that night at a local bookstore cafe. As soon as I laid eyes on him, in his tight black tee shirt and cords, I decided I was going to give him a hug. He later admitted that when he saw me, he thought, “I hope she hugs me.”

We hung out for a couple of weeks, watching movies and hanging with friends, before Rich finally asked me out on a real date. Actually, faxed me out. He sent me a fax at work asking me if I’d like to have dinner and maybe catch a movie afterwards. I showed the fax to my coworker at the time, Tiffany.

“Does this sound like a date? I mean, we’ve never had a meal together. It’s a date, right?’

Tiffany agreed that it definitely sounded like he was asking me out.

I faxed back my reply: yes.

Once Rich received my fax, he showed it to his then coworker, Matt.

“This is a date, right? We’ve never had dinner together. It’s a date, right?”

After following up with a phone call, we agreed to meet at Garcia’s Mexican Restaurant (it’s no longer in business).

Dinner was good, the conversation easy and natural. Afterwards, we decided to go ice skating. I’d never been, so it was a great excuse for me to flirt by hanging on to him. Rich was pretty agreeable with that. I was proud of myself–I managed to not fall down once. Rich, on the other hand, tried to impress me by skating backwards and fell a couple of times, endearing himself forever to me.

After ice skating, we decided to catch a movie, Contact. We ended up at the Carmike 10, where Brent worked at the time. This was my chance to make a great impression on Rich.

Brent said hi and went to tear our tickets.

“Hey, you remember Earl?”

I laughed. “Yeah. That awful, racist little creep of a manager? What, is he dead or something?”

Brent nodded. “Yeah. His wife died and he couldn’t take it, so he killed himself.”

I shot a nervous glance at Rich, who was staring with his mouth open.

Brent jumped in again. “Enjoy the movie!”

The movie ended, but Rich and I still weren’t ready to say goodnight. So we drove back to his parents’ house, where he was living in the separate room adjacent to the garage (I was also living with my parents at the time, enjoying the heady days of no rent). We hung out, talking and listening to records. Yes, good, old-fashioned, vinyl records. Rich likes to say that we bonded over “I Love the Nightlife.” I do, in fact, love to boogie on the disco round. Oh, yeah.

Several hours passed when I started receiving harassing phone calls from my mom asking me where the hell I was and did I know what time it was. I knew where I was, but I had no idea that it was almost five in the morning at this point.

Rich walked me to my car where he kissed me goodnight/good morning after the longest, best first date I’d ever had.

And that was the kiss that sealed the deal.

11:32PM.
Rich and I had a nice, romantic dinner at Northshore Brasserie tonight. He ordered the duck confit while I had steak au poivre. We enjoyed talking about how we’ve changed over the years and how we still manage to surprise each other with new facets of our personalities and various quirks. While we waited for dessert to arrive, he told me to go ahead and open my anniversary gift. So what did my guy get me? A kick-ass Holga camera. It’s made almost entirely of plastic and uses film. No digital wizardry here. Rich completely hooked me up: camera, film, lenses, filters, the works. I can’t wait to use it, hopefully this weekend. His timing was great as I was just thinking yesterday that I need to take a day soon where I just drive around Knoxville taking photos. Hopefully I’ll get to do that this weekend.

So what did I get him, you ask? As of right now, nothing. Why, you ask? Because I’m broke. Between extra credit card payments and my bridesmaid’s dress, I’m tapped out. (Remember, I’m repaying the money I used to buy the Mac.) At least I get paid this week. And Rich is very understanding.

While he worked on freelance projects tonight, I continued familiarizing myself with my Mac and looked through the Holga manual. We finally got to talk to Aunt Bea and Uncle Louis after playing phone tag the last few nights. It was great hearing that married life is treating the newlyweds well. I particularly enjoyed hearing how much Bea enjoys reading my blog; I really think she’s my number one fan. She’s even got her coworkers weighing in on their own Fantasy Second Husbands©. I’m happy to hear others are jumping on the bandwagon.

Song Lyric of the Day:

Pictures frozen in time / Are becoming clearer / I don’t wanna waste another day / Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Nick Lachey / “What’s Left of Me”

4:43PM.
Well, my Sony Vaio that wants to die-o will soon be going to the great laptop beyond in the sky. It’s official: I’m getting my MacBook laptop tonight (barring an Apple Store out-of-stock fiasco that will surely kill me on the spot). I’m going with the white version because (1) it’s the iconic Apple color and will match my future iPod and (2) it’s cheaper than the black. I can’t wait! This will be my first ever computer that is really, truly mine. My old desktop and the currently-on-life-support Vaio were hand-me-downs from Rich.

Speaking of my guy, I have to give a huge shout-out to him. Not only is he helping me customize my new laptop (I’ll admit I’m clueless there), but he’s essentially allowing me to use our funds to buy it outright; this is in lieu of me using credit to buy it. I’ll be repaying the money, of course, but by letting me dip into our savings, he’s made me giddily happy at the prospect of a shiny new computer. My very own, shiny new computer. Which I will let him play with and use whenever he wants (within reason).

So wish us luck at the store tonight! Here’s hoping the next time I get to update, it’s from my new favorite toy.

8:53PM.
I’m in lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvve with my Mac! It’s beautiful, it is easy to use, and, most importantly after many fights with the Vaio, it TURNS ON!

10:24PM.
Trying to tear myself away from the Mac. Must…get…ready…for…bed.

Just a little longer…

Song Lyric of the Day:

I used to be a superhero / No one could touch me / Not even myself / You are like a phone booth / I somehow stumbled into / And now look at me / I am just like everybody else

Ani DiFranco / “Superhero”

10:21PM.
I finally ordered my bridesmaid’s dress last night. So now Samantha the bridezilla is a bit calmer. The bad news? I am now $165 lighter. The good news? I fit in a size 4. The best news? I finally got to hang with Sam a bit, including hitting Roman’s Pizza for dinner, where we scored two free desserts. It pays to be a repeat customer.

Once I got home, I did what I’ve been doing every night since Monday: running to the TV to watch the X Men Collection DVD box set my friend, Don, lent me at the beginning of the week. It’s no secret I’m a fan of the X-Men movies and it’s definitely no secret that I’m a fan of DVD special features. Add them together, and I am one seriously happy couch potato. This set has special features out the wazoo–it’s awesome; the extended branching version of X-Men alone has 17 featurettes and six deleted scenes.

Of course, a couple of nights ago I was watching “The Uncanny Suspects” featurette on the second discs (it’s a four-disc set), and Rich happened to pass through the living room right as Ray Park popped up to talk about playing Toad. I immediately hit pause.

“Hmmm, who’s that on the TV? I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“It’s just weird timing. You know, it was his turn.”

“Go on, honey.” His eyes narrow and he stops in the middle of the staircase. “Unpause.”

“Oh, I’ll wait until you’re downstairs. No biggie.” Nervous laugh.

He takes on a bratty air. “I see–the actual husband’s getting in the way of the fantasy husband!”

Sigh.

“Go on. Unpause.” He resumes descending the staircase.

I unpause the DVD player.

As soon as that British accent resumes, Rich hollers from downstairs.

“LALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

I pause again and laugh at this wonderfully silly man I married.

***
Almost two hours later, after doing my exercises and working on and failing to resurrect my laptop, I resume watching special features. This time around, Rich is upstairs in the office. I finish watching the Storm costume test and start the next one, which happens to be the Toad costume test.

Rich starts down the stairs and I instantly hit pause.

He stops, looks at the TV screen, and stares at me.

“Good God, you would’ve thought I’d caught you watching porn.”

“Um, honey, this is my porn.”

Song Lyric of the Day:

Five for Fighting / “The Riddle (You & I)”

10:17PM.
Yahoo! ran this article about bloggers today. The bottom line is that the majority of bloggers polled said they blog to tell stories, not to be journalists. The report cites most bloggers as stating that we are “primarily interested in creative, personal expression” and that we blog “to record (our) personal experiences and share them with others.” I’m certainly no exception to the rule–I started this blog when Rich and I were still in Virginia as a way to keep our family and friends up to date on what was going on in our lives. I also started it so I could express my opinions (what, me opinionated?) on various issues, news stories, and the like. And, of course, I dissect and review my fair share of TV shows and movies. But do I fancy myself a journalist? Hell, no. I might weigh in on what I think about a particular news story, but I’m not deluded enough or pretentious enough to fool myself into thinking I’m a journalist. For that matter, I don’t even consider myself a citizen journalist. I’m not reporting the news, I’m just expressing my opinions and thoughts on it. I know better than that. Which leads me to wonder, in general, why don’t people know better?

Aside from the obvious jump to judging celebrities and talking heads/political pundits (same difference) who do their best to pass their opinions off as expertise and hard facts, that is. Why don’t we use better judgment? We learn right and wrong very early in life. So why is it so easy for us to forget the difference between the two?

For instance, supermodel Christie Brinkley’s husband, Peter Cook, turned out to be a lying cheat who pursued and had an affair with a 19-year-old woman. Now said 19-year-old woman is planning on suing Cook for taking advantage of her naivete. Excuse me? She freely admits she knows he was married, had a family, blah blah. Yes, he plied her with a high-paying job, money, and a new car, but she couldn’t remove herself from the equation? She couldn’t maybe just have, oh, I don’t know, turned him down? How hard was it for this woman (not the child her lawyer and parents say she is) to stop and think that maybe having an affair with a much-older, known married man was wrong?

Now, I can’t remember my exact age at the time, but I figured out very early in life (on my own, no less) that you don’t mess around with someone else’s husband or wife. Why? Because it’s wrong. You don’t cheat on your taxes. You don’t purposely take another human being’s life. You don’t pass someone else’s work off as your own. You don’t drive drunk. You don’t make political promises you have no intention of keeping. You don’t lie to start a war.

But what do I know? I’m certainly not an expert on what constitutes right and wrong. I know better than to pretend to be someone I’m not.

After all, I’m just a blogger expressing her opinion.

Song Lyric of the Day:

Watch you burn the bodies in your haste to get ahead / Spread your lies (spread your lies) / Spread your lies (spread your lies) / No compromise

Paul Oakenfold featuring Spitfire / “No Compromise”

9:39AM.
I read this news story the other day, and it got me to thinking. I know the lies I regularly tell myself: I’ll start eating better (which I’ve actually managed the last couple of weeks), I’ll drink less soda, I’ll exercise regularly (also something I’ve been succeeding at), I’ll call that friend I haven’t spoken to in forever, I’ll write more, I’ll spend less. I know why I lie to myself: to make myself feel better, to motivate myself. But when is it okay for me to lie to someone else?

I adhere to the normal amount of lying. By that I mean I tell white lies when I feel they’re necessary. Of course, right now I can’t think of a recent instance where I’ve had to do that, but I know I have. It seems like the majority of lies are told in social settings and situations. I have pretended to remember people I could swear I’ve never met, I’ve told people that their child is well-behaved when it was actually behaving like Satan’s #1 minion, I’ve agreed to eat at restaurants when I really would rather eat somewhere else, and so on. Why do I do it? Because in circumstances like those, I don’t really feel it hurts anything to be agreeable. I may not initially recognize that person, but I will remember them from now on. That child is about as well behaved as attendees at a GOP convention, but it’s not mine and therefore not my problem. That restaurant isn’t one of my favorites, but it’s okay and my dining companions really want to eat there, so why not?

I don’t tell big lies, though. Primarily because I’m a lousy liar and would give myself away (Rich can read me like a pop-up book). But really because if an issue is so important to me, why would I lie about it? I just don’t see the point. If I don’t like someone, I let them know as tactfully as I can and remove myself from social situations. It’s easier than lying and pretending to like them, which would subject me to further misery by placing me in their company. If I don’t like the way something is being done, I speak up. I’m not going to pretend like it doesn’t bother me and be subjected to it over and over again. You get the idea.

The biggest lie I can ever remember telling was on an Easter Sunday long ago. My parents asked me how a piece of cat food found its way into my sister’s nose, and I said I didn’t know. Which is complete bullshit. Of course I did it. I don’t actually remember putting it there on purpose, but I knew deep in my 10-year-old heart that that little Science Diet nugget didn’t magically float through the air, choose a destination, and then aim for and lodge itself in her nostril. Which is what I told my parents had, in fact, actually happened: it was an accident. That lie got me a spanking and sent to my room.

I try to live my life as honestly as I can. It’s not always easy, but at least I can say that it almost always feels right. Not always, but mostly.

Song Lyric of the Day:

Bryan Ferry / “Kiss and Tell”

9:45PM.
Here is the link to my headshots session. Select my name from the list and then type pattiepics for the password. I think Sabrina did a great job, as I’m really not photogenic in the least. The woman’s a miracle worker. (That’s Photography by Sabrina, 865-531-7638; the session runs $125.) I would’ve posted the link Friday afternoon, but I was slammed at work. I was copyediting my ass off.
Friday night, my parents and Samantha met Rich and I at our house after work. From there, Dad drove us all to Laurel Valley Restaurant in Townsend, TN; it’s part of the Laurel Valley Golf Club. It’s been a long time since I’ve eaten truly divine Italian food, but this place has it. My parents know the chef, Johnny, from his days at Roman’s Pizza in Knoxville. Our visit coincided with the end of the restaurant’s first nine weeks in business.

We started out with the complimentary bread and olive oil dipping sauce, followed by fried mozzarella and French bread pizza for appetizers. Rich and I had delicious Caesar salads that came with our entrees, while Mom and Samantha had house salads (Dad doesn’t do salad). Our entrees came, and we finished stuffing ourselves. I had the lasagna, which was fantastic. And I don’t say that lightly about lasagna–I’m like Garfield when it comes to good lasagna. But this lasagna had it all: four cheeses, rich marinara sauce, and premium ground beef. And the portion was huge. Rich ordered a grouper special and was thrilled when it turned out to be a big, real piece of fish, not a fish nugget like he gets in most restaurants. I don’t remember exactly what my parents had, but they cleaned their plates. Samantha had the beef tips, which she also devoured. Rich, Samantha, and I then ordered cheesecakes to go. While we were beyond stuffed, we were planning ahead. We were surprised by Johnny with deep-fried chocolate chocolate chip and bananas foster crunches. Somehow we all managed to find the strength to eat yet more food, and it was totally worth it. Since I don’t like bananas, I stuck to the chocolate crunches, and I could’ve smoked a cigarette after, they were so good. Really, I could’ve died like the happy, stuffed little piggy I was right then and there.

Rich and I are already planning on taking our anticipated-in-the-near-future guests, Richard and Donna, to Laurel Valley Restaurant when they are in town. I know my Aunt Bea and Uncle Louis will love it, too, the next time they’re down here. You can’t beat the combination of great food with an amazing, surrounding view of the mountains. And there’s plenty to do in the area besides eat and golf; the wonderful bed and breakfast, The Richmont Inn, is right up the road. Guess what we’re planning for a weekend in the near future?

Since the restaurant doesn’t yet have a website, here’s the info: Laurel Valley Restaurant & Catering, 702 Country Club Drive, Townsend, TN 37882, phone 865-448-8080. Tell Johnny you read about it here. Maybe I can score some more free deep-fried chocolate chocolate chip crunchers if you do.

***
Saturday I talked Tamara into accompanying me to Lycan Entertainment‘s 3PM promo shoot for their independent horror movie, Point of Fear. I signed up on their email list at Adventure Con last month; I had received an email on Tuesday informing me of Saturday’s shoot. Tamara and I arrived at the old Farragut Regal theater where I immediately sensed she was thinking “What on earth have I agreed to?” Maybe it was the axe, maybe it was the baseball bat, maybe it was the ventriloquist’s dummy, but I could see serious doubt in Tamara’s eyes. Me, I live and breathe stuff like this, so I went with the flow. Basically, we pretended to be fans so eager to see the movie that we were in zombie-like states. I had a lot of fun despite the ungodly heat and the guilt associated with accidentally tripping someone (running as part of a crowd on film is trickier than expected). An added bonus was catching up with my old friend, Taro, who I had still not managed to get together with since moving home last year. While Tamara was definitely a trouper, I was in my element, surrounded by people who were more than happy to discuss Adventure Con, DragonCon, and Comicon, among other things. I particularly hit it off with a couple of women who brought up a certain Fantasy Second Husband© without any prompting from me (I swear). Seems he made quite the impression at Adventure Con. Ahem.

After the shoot, Tamara and I hit the shops at Turkey Creek so we could both take care of some errands, including picking up a birthday cake for Brent. After shopping we headed to Jonathan and Curry’s house for Brent’s birthday party, which is where Rich met up with us. The guys were in the middle of a basketball game, so Rich, Curry, Tamara, and I went ahead and ate since we were starving. We were joined shortly after by Fin and Susannah, then the sweaty basketball players themselves. While Rich had had a long day and left not long after eating and making a Starbucks run, the rest of us stayed to watch Dodgeball (birthday boy’s choice). All in all, I think Brent (alias Preb) had a pretty good birthday. At least, I hope he did. We were just happy to be a part of it.

Tamara stayed over in our guest room Saturday night and then accompanied me on yet more errands Sunday afternoon. Work kicked my butt today since I’m still so busy, but I’m still loving my job. And now here I am.

You know, I never used to be social or active. Turns out it’s exhausting. Go figure.

Song Lyric of the Day:

I remember searching for the perfect words / I was hoping you might change your mind / I remember a soldier sleeping next to me / riding on the Metro

Berlin / “Metro”

2:14PM.
I had fun getting my headshots taken this morning. I’m not terribly girly, but it is so much fun having someone do your hair and makeup. Very soothing. The contact sheet should be ready for pickup later today, and the online link will go live by tomorrow afternoon. I’ll be sure to include a link here, of course, so I can get some feedback. I’ll also include a link on my MySpace page. Sabrina, my awesome photographer, helped me whittle dozens and dozens of images down to the best three dozen or so for sumbittal to the talent agency. (It’s a true testament to Sabrina’s talent that she managed to get a few dozen good shots of me as I’m not the most photogenic person). The talent agency will pick up to three photos to use. And then I wait…

Song Lyric of the Day:

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it’s alright / The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same / Oh, don’t you hesitate

Corinne Bailey Rae / “Put Your Records On”

9:26AM.
As I mentioned a few days ago, I jumped into the communal, addictive world of MySpace (thanks to Brent and Rich for their input). So far, no one from high school or college has found me. Shocking, I know. I’m not terribly disappointed by this, though. I have managed to find a couple of people on my own, including my high school “love” who inadvertently broke my heart. And what did I think looking at his picture, seeing the person he is today? That I can’t believe he ever floated my boat. Needless to say, he will not be receiving a friend invite from me. Speaking of friends, I will admit that I was thrilled to become one of Sandra Bullock‘s 1,432 (and counting) friends; she’s one of my idols. And Craig from The Office was nice enough to respond to a comment I left. Very cool guy.

I have been having fun personalizing my page a bit, though, primarily with my photography (the background is a shot I took at the World’s Fair Park last year). Basically, if I’m not in the shot, I took it. The pics range from around the house to the Smoky Mountains to New York City.

Anyone have any other recommendations on how to further personalize my page? Keep in mind that all those twinkly, sparkly, animated comment graphics are not high on my list of things that impress. I rank them right up there with glitter. I may be a MySpace lemming, but I can still be discriminating.

12:28PM.
My very cool friend, Nan, is giving me pointers regarding the local acting scene here in fabulous Knox Vegas. She’s done a lot of local theater work, as well as some TV and movie work. Knowing I’m interested in learning how to fence and that I love all things swordplay, she has invited me to sit in on a samurai sword martial arts class she’s taking. Which, I have to admit, is also something I’m interested in. So hopefully I’ll be able to sit in on next week’s class and her instructor can advise me on what lessons I should take. She and I are also going to have a little powwow either this afternoon or tomorrow during which she will give me the names of some local acting coaches. Seeing as how I’ve never taken any acting classes (I was excruciatingly shy in school. Yes, really.) and my two TV gigs were complete flukes with improvised dialogue, acting lessons are a necessity.

I’m excited–I need a few activities and hobbies aside from my current ones. These at least will get me out of the house and off the computer. Some of the time, anyway.

In completely unrelated news, I’m thrilled by this report that Comedy Central has put South Park‘s Emmy-nomiated “Trapped in the Closet” episode back into rotation. When it first aired, everyone’s favorite Scientologist, Tom Cruise, threw a fit because it mocked his “religion” and refused to promote Mission: Impossible III if the network ever aired it again. The network caved to its parent company’s (M:I III‘s distributor) demands, everyone’s favorite couch jumper promoted the movie the world over, and box office records were shattered. By other movies.

How will Mr. Cruise handle this news? My guess would be that little baby Suri is about to make her long-awaited public debut.

Don’t forget to watch “Trapped in the Closet” on Comedy Central, July 19! It’s a classic.

9:50PM.
I am groomed, plucked, and polished for my headshots tomorrow morning. Here’s hoping I don’t wake up with horrible bedhead. I’m trying to avoid another bad hair day by making sure my hair is completely dry before I turn in for the night. Fingers crossed.

***

Our fearless younger dog, Caleb, is once again afraid to go outside, primarily when the sun is not shining bright in the sky. He’s either had a bad encounter with a squirrel/raccoon/lemur, is worried about more leftover Fourth of July fireworks, or we have a serious vampire problem of which we have been blissfully unaware until now. It’s not exactly easy dragging your 65-pound dog to toss him outside in the hopes that he will indulge his bodily functions in the appropriate arena (ie: not the living room rug). At least Snoops goes out without any problem, vampire lemurs or not.

Speaking of Caleb, he’s been spending quality time with me during my evening workouts. He’s not a problem during my crunches (115 a day) or leg lifts (75 a day). It’s the other exercises that get him wound up. Tonight I was doing calf raises on our bathroom steps, and he turned into a hobgoblin, barking and ducking and weaving around me. Not exactly the kind of motivation I need.

Song Lyric of the Day:

It feels like I’d been dying here underneath these dreams / It’s a cold cold world when who you are is always half asleep / You have woken up the lover now the other wants to leave

Platinum Weird / “Will You Be Around”

12:19PM.
Watching the news on MSNBC this morning, I noticed a theme among some of their top stories: bad sportsmanship. From bad manners at the World Cup to making divorce nastier than it already is to unapologetic rudeness, bad sportsmanship knows no bounds. To highlight some instances:

The Rebuttal Heard Round the World
I have, of course, heard all about French soccer player Zinedine Zidane headbutting Italian soccer player Marco Materazzi at the final game of the World Cup on Sunday (who hasn’t?). However, this morning was the first time I actually saw footage of the incident. The latest reports have Materazzi admitting that he made disparaging remarks to Zidane. Regardless, no matter how insulting what Materazzi said was, Zidane should not have used the soccer pitch as the forum for his attack. I guess with emotions running high during the game, he let his judgment lapse. And now his soccer legacy is suffering for it. At least he still has that really cool name of his.

War of the Roses Redux
Yesterday in New York City, a four-story house exploded on the Upper East Side. Understandably, the city’s initial fear was terrorism. Turns out it was the selfish act of a spiteful, malicious, divorcing doctor. An email has surfaced in which said doctor informs his almost ex-wife, along with numerous others on the mailing list, that he would rather die than leave his house. Well, he almost got his wish. He didn’t succeed and now faces serious jail time if he survives. I guess when you are the type of man who cuts off your wife’s financial support as she battles breast cancer and torments her by decorating your home with Nazi memorabilia (she’s Jewish), then blowing up your house instead of selling it to fulfill your divorce settlement makes sense.

Lessons in Time Mismanagement
Yesterday, Adam Corolla was scheduled to interview Satan’s favorite blonde minion, Ann Coulter, for his radio talk show. She called in like she was supposed to–an hour and a half late. SheDevil then had the nerve to tell Corolla that she was pressed for time. His response? He told her to get lost and hung up on her. And rightfully so. Not many people would be so tacky as to tell the person they left waiting that they were pressed for time. I guess trying to deflect all those plagiarism claims is keeping her busier than she anticipated.

9:10PM.
My friend, Brent, was kind enough to send me a couple of very bizarre, very creepy cartoons, Salad Fingers episodes one and two. Like the end of The Ring, I am hereby sharing them with you, dear readers, in the hopes that you will take the nightmares I am currently slated to have thanks to watching them. Thanks a lot, Brent.

Song Lyric of the Day:

I’m glad you got out / But I miss you / I’ve had a hole in my heart / For so long / I’ve learned to fake it and /Just smile along

Iggy Pop & Kate Pierson / “Candy”

7:56PM.
As my nine or so loyal readers know, I am very, very into song lyrics (see above). And not just so I can have a different Song Lyric of the Day every day, either.

Whenever I listen to music, I always pay attention to the songs’ lyrics. Why? Obvious love of words aside, because a well-written song, with clever lyrics, imaginative rhymes, and unique words (televangahypnotism) can transport me in the same way a book can. Like authors and poets, songwriters (the majority, anyway) tell stories complete with characters, plots, and themes. They tackle issues to increase social awareness. They find the words to express our innermost feelings. They detail obsessions and fetishes. And sometimes they just make us laugh.

That said, here’s what some songs mean to me or make me think and feel. I’ve linked to the lyrics so you can interpret at will.

• When you want that special someone to get the f#ck out of your life: “Don’t Stay” by Linkin Park
• When you’re in love with your vehicle: “Toyota Van” by Scarlet Thread
• When you need motivation to walk all over the man in your life: “In These Shoes?” by Kirsty MacColl
• When you need a recap but don’t have time to watch Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace: “The Saga Begins” by “Weird Al” Yankovic
• When you really, really want to be forgiven: “Everlasting Love” by Carl Carlton
• When you truly regret the end of a relationship: “Last Goodbye” by Jeff Buckley
• When you want someone to understand just how much you love them: “Maps” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
• When you feel like a pity party: “Cry” by James Blunt
• When you want to understand why some of us love Radiohead: “Karma Police“
• When you want to be really obvious: “Talk Dirty to Me” by Poison
• When you need motivation to work out: “Macho Man” by The Village People
• When you need to know you can make it through: “Move Along” by The All-American Rejects
  
• When you want someone to go weak in the knees: “With or Without You” by U2
• When you want a better job: “Minimum Wage” by They Might Be Giants
• When you know you screwed her up for life: “Sour Girl” by Stone Temple Pilots
• When you want to get it on: “Temperature” by Sean Paul
• When you feel all alone in the world (males): “Outside” by Staind
• When you feel all alone in the world (females): “Last Girl on Earth” by Supreme Beings of Leisure
• When you want to believe your relationship is stronger than it is: “Dream About Me” by Moby
• When you want to beat the living hell out of someone: “Blue Monday” by Orgy
• When you want to hear cool techno: “Faster Kill Pussycat” by Paul Oakenfold
  
• When you feel like you can take on the world: “Army of Me” by Bjork
• When you want to drive the neighbors crazy: “My Humps” by Black Eyed Peas
• When you need a reminder to go to church: “Hell” by Squirrel Nut Zippers
• When you suspect he’s not the most stable person: “Trigger Happy Jack (Drive by a Go-Go)” by Poe
  
• When you’re tired of hanging out with someone: “Not That Social” by Von Bondies
• When you want to express your love through rockabilly: “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” by Queen
• When you want to pay tribute to cross-dressing: “King for a Day” by Green Day
• When you want to celebrate being a pessimist: “Only Happy When it Rains” by Garbage
• When you want embrace your inherent wickedness: “Evil and a Heathen” by Franz Ferdinand
  

I could come up with dozens more, but I’ll wait to see what, if any feedback, I get on this post. What do certain songs mean to you?