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Liveblogging: The 83rd Annual Academy Awards

Song Lyric of the Day:

Now I’m here / Blinking in the starlight / Now I’m here / Suddenly I see / Standing here / It’s oh, so clear / I’m where I’m meant to be


And the Oscars have started with a montage of the 10 Best Picture nominees.

Co-hosts Anne Hathaway and James Franco are edited into Inception. Alec Baldwin + Ambien in a juice pouch = hilarious.

Anne and James are still in search of Alec Baldwin to seek hosting tips. From The Social Network to The Fighter to True Grit, this skit is as good as any of Billy Crystal’s opening songs. 

Back to Inception, complete with Morgan Freeman narrating, then The King’s Speech and now Black Swan. Worth it to see James Franco in a unitard.

A ride in the time machine from Back to the Future and the skit ends with Anne and James walking onto the stage.

Anne Hathaway’s mom chides her to have better posture. And there’s James Franco’s grandma. Or so he says … Grandma Franco: “I just saw Marky Mark.”

Anne: And it’s been a great year for lesbians.
James: That’s right.
Anne: Not just in general, but in movies.
James: The Kids Are Alright.
Anne: Lesbians.
James: Black Swan.
Anne: Dancing lesbians
James: Toy Story 3.
Anne: Where’s the dad?

Tom Hanks is up as the first presenter.

Art Direction nominees: Alice in Wonderland, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, Inception, The King’s Speech, and True Grit. The winner, not surprisingly: Alice in Wonderland.

Nominees for Cinematography: Black Swan, Inception, The King’s Speech, The Social Network, and True Grit. The winner: Wally Pfister for Inception.

Anne and James introduce living legend Kirk Douglas. He gets a standing ovation.

Kirk Douglas introduces the nominees for Best Supporting Actress. Time to see if I guessed this one right.

The Oscar goes to Melissa Leo. So far I’m one for one! I’ve loved her since her days on Homicide: Life on the Street.

… aaaand Melissa Leo becomes the first person to be censored.

James: “Congratu-effing-lations, Melissa.”

Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake come out to present. Justin cops to being Banksy.

Not digging Mila’s dress. It looks, oh, unfinished somehow. She and Justin are going to present Best Animated Feature and Best Animated Short.

The Best Animated Short Film Oscar goes to The Lost Thing.

As much as I liked Toy Story 3, I really would like to see How to Train Your Dragon win for Best Animated Feature.

No surprise there: Toy Story 3 won.

I love Anne’s dress. Beautiful. She introduces Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem as presenters.

Penelope Cruz looks remarkable — beautiful and well rested — for a new mom.

I called it: Aaron Sorkin wins Best Adapted Screenplay for The Social Network.

The music starts playing, Aaron Sorkin keeps talking. The music gets louder, he keeps going. It’s like he has his own score playing.

Javier and Josh’s white tuxedo jackets and ties are doing them no favors. They look like waiters who stumbled onto the stage at the Oscars.

David Seidler wins the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for The King’s Speech.

Seidler gives a charming speech, wrapping it up by accepting on behalf of all stutterers: “We have a voice, we have been heard, thanks to you, the Academy.”

Anne’s changed into a tux. She still looks good, mostly because of the very sparkly high heels. She sings about an unnamed Aussie who bailed on her for a planned duet. The camera zooms in on Hugh Jackman, right before Anne sings about having fake retractable claws stuck into her heart. 

James comes out dressed as Marilyn Monroe and confesses, “The weird part is I just got a text message from Charlie Sheen.”

Russell Brand and Helen Mirren come out to present the next award. She speaks French, he translates: “Yo, my Oscar-winning performance as a queen was much more realistic than Colin Firth’s as a king.” She speaks French again, clearly calling Russell an idiot. He says he’s flattered, but that he’s a married man.

The Oscar for Foreign Language Film goes to Denmark’s In a Better World

Reese Witherspoon comes out to present the award for Best Supporting Actor. She looks like a vintage Barbie doll. With a pointy chin.

Well, I finally got one wrong. I thought Geoffrey Rush would win, but the Oscar goes to Christian Bale. I can only hope his beard is for a role.

At least he’s honest: Bale says of his co-star Melissa Leo, “I’m not going to drop the f-bomb like she did, I’ve done that plenty before.”

Bale gives a shoutout to www.dickeklund.com, the site of the trainer he portrayed in The Fighter. The site has already crashed.

The presidents of AMPAS and Disney ABC Television Group come out to talk. Mentally tuning out … now.

OK, so now we know ABC will be home to the Oscars through at least 2020.

Anne’s in a new, gray dress. I don’t like this one as much as the white one she had on earlier. She introduces Hugh Jackman as “once again the Wolver to my Ine” since they made up backstage.

Hugh and Nicole Kidman’s intro about music in movies leads to a live symphony that starts out with — what else — the theme from Star Wars.

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross win the Oscar for Original Score the The Social Network.

Scarlett Johansson and Matthew McConacrazy come out to introduce the award for Sound Mixing.

The team from Inception wins the Oscar for Sound Mixing.

Inception wins again, this time for Sound Editing.

Marisa Tomei could smuggle a family of five under that dress of hers. It’s huge!

Cate Blanchett’s dress wins the award for What the Hell? Dress.

The Wolfman wins the Oscar for Makeup.

Collen Atwood wins another Oscar for Costume Design for Alice in Wonderland. Fancy costumes or not, that movie was BORING.

You’d think an Oscar-winning costume designer would know those gloves are a huge fashion mistake.

Kevin Spacey introduces himself as George Clooney. He introduces the first nominee for Best Original Song, Randy Newman singing “We Belong Together” from Toy Story 3.

Next up: Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi performing “I See the Light” from Tangled. I never knew Chuck could sing. Love the color of Mandy’s gown, even if the bottom half of it looks like 100 Muppets were skinned to make it.

Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhaal present the nominees for Best Documentary Short Subject.

Strangers No More wins the Oscar for Documentary Short Subject.

God of Love wins the Oscar for Live Action Short Film. The first thing out of the winner, Luke Matheny’s, mouth: “I should’ve gotten a haircut.”

Luke Matheny gets a cheer for thanking his mother, who did craft services for the film. He gets a collective “aww” for thanking his composer/love of his life.

James Franco: “NYU, what’s up?”

Anne is now wearing a pretty gold, one-shouldered flapper-fringe-style dress. They introduce a fake video for “Tiny Ball of Light,” purportedly a duet between Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1. It’s autotune at its finest. A couple more fake videos/songs leads us to Edward Cullen singing “He Doesn’t Own a Shirt” from Twilight: Eclipse.

Oprah Winfrey’s a presenter? Of course she is.

The winner for Documentary Feature is Inside Job. Sadly, Oprah does not pronounce it “Inside Jo-OB!”

Anne introduces Billy Crystal. Any chance he’ll sing one of his songs? Look at that — standing ovation.

No song, but an introduction to a clip of Bob Hope hosting the Oscars.

Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. come out to present the Visual Effects Oscar.

Jude to Robert about visual effects teams: “If it wasn’t for them, your closest association with a superhero would’ve been in 2001, when you got busted in a cheap hotel with a woman dressed as Batgirl.” Uncomfortable laughs all around. Robert’s retort: “OK, first of all that cheap hotel room cost $1250 a night with a corporate discount. Secondly, it was 2000, not 2001. And most importantly she was dressed as Wonder Woman.”  Wonder if Ricky Gervais wrote this joke.

Inception wins again, this time for Visual Effects. Rightly so, I might add.

The Social Network wins for Film Editing.

Anne’s now wearing a beautiful ruby-red strapless dress.

Jennifer Hudson comes out to present the final two nominees for Original Song. First up: “If I Rise” from 127 Hours, performed by A.R. Rahman and Florence Welch of Florence + the Machine. Yay!

I’m officially on the Go Away Gwyneth Paltrow train. Enough already.

Randy Newman wins for Original Song, his second Oscar.

Randy turns out to be very self deprecating, pointing out he’s been nominated 20 times and only won twice. He thinks a chicken dish has been named in his honor at the Academy luncheon.

Celine Dion begins to sing “Smile” for the In Memoriam segment. Cue the tears.

After a nice, understated (for her) performance by Celine Dion, Halle Berry comes out to introduce a tribute to Lena Horne.

The Oscars are really underwhelming this year. I’m multitasking and uploading photos to my Flickr account as I’m liveblogging.

I want Anne’s shiny blue dress.

Hilary Swank introduces Kathryn Bigelow to introduce the nominees for Directing. Tom Hooper wins for The King’s Speech.

Loved Tom Hooper’s heartfelt acceptance speech, especially how he thanked his mom for suggesting he make an unknown little play into his next movie: “The moral of the story is listen to your mother.”

Annette Bening introduces a clip for the 2nd Annual Governor’s Awards honoring lifetime achievements in film.

I think Anne’s done changing outfits for the night.

Jeff Bridges introduces the nominees for Best Actress.

Another non-surprise: Natalie Portman wins for Black Swan.

Anne flubs while introducing Sandra Bullock, who comes out to introduce the Best Actor nominees.

Way to go, Colin Firth. “I have a feeling my career has just peaked.” Not by a long shot.

I was wrong. Anne changed again. She and James introduce Steven Spielberg to introduce the Best Picture nominees.

And now I need to make the time to see this year’s Best Picture, The King’s Speech.

The choir from P.S. 22 in Staten Island, N.Y., comes out to perform and close the ceremony. They sing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” The kids are joined by Anne, James, and all the night’s winners. Fitting end to the evening.

And now it’s off to bed.

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