- Grab him! He’s got a bottle of Corona!
- Oh my God, he’s got a knife!
- Please quit humping your brother’s head.
- Gross! He’s running around with the peed-on towel like it’s a cape!
- Oh no. Was that your iPod Nano?
- He’s got another knife!
- Where’d you get that box of spaghetti?
- Grab him! He’s got a pork chop!
- How did you manage to pee across six feet? And make those loops?
- Sweetie, I love you, but why are you such an asshole?
Category Archives: humor
Tuesday 10: Random Things My Puppy Drove Me to Say
Scene From a Marriage # 15,239
While having a heated discussion about not wanting any actual kids to be able to access my children’s books:
“So have you always gone by Cruella de Vil?”
Laughing:
“Excuse me? Did you just call me Cruella de Vil?”
“I’m just wondering if it’s your birth name or if you had to have your name legally changed.”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
Scene From a Marriage # 10,513
Whispered conversation while attending worship service in Iowa with the grandparents:
“Are you lip synching?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know Methodist hymns. If they were set to Catholic ones, I could sing along, but they’re not, so I’m lip synching.”
“Don’t you think that’s rude?”
“It’d be rude not to.”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
Scene From a Marriage # 14,018
While watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine during Hugh Jackman’s first shirtless scene:
“You OK there? Is that drool?”
“Sorry, honey. You must’ve heard my eyes widen.”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
Scene From a Marriage # 12,231
After seeing the third of three bears during a hike in Cades Cove:
“Honey?”
From behind a tree:
“Yeah?”
“Where’d you go? I blinked and suddenly you were behind me.”
“I’m sorry. I love you, but I was totally planning on using you as a human shield from that bear if I had to.”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
Scene From a Marriage # 11,554
“I want those lights down.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re Christmas lights. It’s not Christmas anymore. I want them packed away until next Christmas.”
Quietly, almost inaudibly:
“I wish I could pack you away until next Christmas.”
Laughing:
“What?!”
“Oh, come on. You just wish you’d thought of saying it first.”
“OK, you got me there.”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
Scene From a Marriage # 9,389
Discussing driving to the puppy’s training class:
“I’ll sit in the backseat with the Dark Passenger.”
“Excuse me? You’re saying my puppy’s a serial killer now? Like Dexter?”
“Well, he does like knives …”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
Scene From a Marriage # 10,013
“Oh my God!”
“What?”
“A remake of My Bloody Valentine! In 3-D! Starring JENSEN ACKLES!”
“Like he makes it better?”
“Honey, Jensen Ackles makes everything better.”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
Scene From a Marriage # 9,001
“Brass in Pocket” by The Pretenders plays on the radio and he tries to sing along.
“What did you just say?”
Mumbling:
“Fancy.”
“It’s ‘sassy,’ not ‘fancy.’ Do you even know what the name of the song is?”
Chrissie Hynde sings “I’m special / So special.”
“Spe-“
“It’s not ‘Special!'”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
Scene From a Marriage # 6,392
“You’ll be happy to know I bumped up a romantic comedy on the Netflix queue for my next movie, not a horror movie.”
“Really?“
“I felt like something different, but I don’t think horror really affects me that much.”
“It affects ME!”
Filed under humor, marriage, relationship, scene from a marriage
