Category Archives: humor

“Let me know if you want to watch another episode of Torchwood and drink every time they play the ‘wah-wah-nanonanonanonano’ music.”

Staring at the 20-year-old black sweatshirt’s tattered cuffs.

“You know, we make decent money. We can buy new things when we need to.”

“Huh? Are you talking about my sweatshirt? It’s not in that bad shape.”

“Not in bad shape? You look like you were mauled by a bear.”

“Oh, this hole under the armpit? I can sew that right up.”

While watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

“You know, it always bothered me that he just cut out one side of the pattern for the hat and for the jacket. I mean, even when I was little I knew he should’ve had two of each to sew together.”

“So, even as a kid, you had problems.”

“Thanks for fast-forwarding that song. It’s really annoying.”

“You’re an annoying song.”

Laughing.

“And I’m on an endless loop!”

“And random.”

“Hey, honey?”

“Yeah?”

“You know that I love you, right?”

Sighs.

“What did I do?”

“Why is there a cake stump left?”

“I ate the top part.”

“I called you from the road crying because Vanessa called me at work to tell me my cat Mittens died, and you ate the top part of the cake and left me the stump?”

“The top’s the best part. It’s nice and moist.”

“My cat died!”

“I left you some cake, didn’t I?”

“I would so take Griffin home.”

“Really? You like him that much?”

“YES! I love him. He’s on my shortlist of Babies I Would Steal. He’s cute and sweet and he doesn’t cry when I hold him.”

“I see.”

“Wow. I just turned you into an innie, didn’t I?”

“Pretty much.”

“You know, I’ve always loved the name Olivia. In case we ever have a kid and it’s a girl.”

“Olivia? Like the little pig in those books you like?”

“Well, yeah, but that’s not why I’d name her that.”

“You wouldn’t be naming her after the little piggy in the book.”

“No. Anyhoo, I’ve always liked the name Julian for a boy.”

“Do you want him to be an interior decorator?”

“You excited about your vacation?”

“God, yes. I need a break. Although I’m going to miss the game a lot. I wish I could bring the XBox with me.”

“You’re enjoying the game that much?”

“Yeah. And I just got really good with my telekinesis powers.”

“Wow.”

“How does it feel to have a wedding band again?”

“Good. I didn’t realize I’d missed it like I had.”

“Glad to hear it. But be careful with this one. Because if we have to buy a third wedding band, it’s going to be for a new husband.”