Category Archives: marriage

“You watched True Blood without me?! I can’t believe you TV cheated!”

“I’m so sorry. I couldn’t help myself. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Oh, so it didn’t mean anything?”

“OK, it did mean a lot. It was a really good episode.”

Selecting “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” and hitting play on the iPod, knowing full well what the spouse thinks of that song:

“That’s right — I’m subjecting you to The Darkness!”

“Isn’t that what you’ve been doing for the last ten years or so?”

Gasping in mock horror in reply: “Sonofabitch!”

“Oh, you just wish you thought of saying it first.”

Sighing dejectedly: “Well, yeah.”

Arriving home after a long day working two jobs:

“Why are there upside-down bowls all over the living room floor?”

“One of the cats threw up, so I covered it up.”

“OH MY GOD! You used our BOWLS to cover up cat barf? Bowls we EAT out of?”

“What? They’re washable. Besides, I didn’t want to waste the paper towels.”

Yelled from upstairs:

“Arrrrrggggghhhhhhh!”

Replying from downstairs:

“It’s a melted ice cube, not pee!”

From upstairs:

“Thank God.”

From downstairs:

“Now do you see why I tell you to wear slippers?”

While having a heated discussion about not wanting any actual kids to be able to access my children’s books:

“So have you always gone by Cruella de Vil?”

Laughing:

“Excuse me? Did you just call me Cruella de Vil?”

“I’m just wondering if it’s your birth name or if you had to have your name legally changed.”

Whispered conversation while attending worship service in Iowa with the grandparents:

“Are you lip synching?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know Methodist hymns. If they were set to Catholic ones, I could sing along, but they’re not, so I’m lip synching.”

“Don’t you think that’s rude?”

“It’d be rude not to.”

While watching X-Men Origins: Wolverine during Hugh Jackman’s first shirtless scene:

“You OK there? Is that drool?”

“Sorry, honey. You must’ve heard my eyes widen.”

After seeing the third of three bears during a hike in Cades Cove:

“Honey?”

From behind a tree:

“Yeah?”

“Where’d you go? I blinked and suddenly you were behind me.”

“I’m sorry. I love you, but I was totally planning on using you as a human shield from that bear if I had to.”

“I want those lights down.”

“Why?”

“Because they’re Christmas lights. It’s not Christmas anymore. I want them packed away until next Christmas.”

Quietly, almost inaudibly:

“I wish I could pack you away until next Christmas.”

Laughing:

“What?!”

“Oh, come on. You just wish you’d thought of saying it first.”

“OK, you got me there.”