Category Archives: personal

Staycation, Meant to Be Spent Near Home

Song Lyric of the Day:

Goodbye and it starts to snow / In the streets of Mexico / Goodbye, I am left alone / In the streets of Mexico

Glenn Morrison (featuring Islove) / “Goodbye

Yesterday when I wrote about my hopes for 2016, I forgot to include a big one: family vacations. As in: I hope we can take little day trips here and there. Because that week-long, possibly exotic family vacation in a location ideally far, far away? Probably not happening any time soon.

The other day Coraline asked me when we were going to the beach again, and I had to tell her I have no idea. Granted, the beach is very low on my and Rich’s list of dream vacation destinations — we’ve never been beach people — but we know she loves it, which makes us enjoy it more than we normally would. I would REALLY love for this to be the year we take Cora to Walt Disney World, but again, I’m not holding my breath.

Granted, a family vacation is a first-world problem, and even being able to take paid time off is a privilege, not a right. Until we can afford to take a real vacation, though, Rich and I are looking forward to taking little day trips with Coraline. We’ve decided to focus on a 2-4 hour driving radius of Knoxville, which opens up some decent possibilities. So where will we go first? I’m leaning toward the Lost Sea — it’s not that far, and the last time Rich and I visited was way back in high school (at the latest). The anthropology nerd in me is also dying to go to the ETSU & General Shale Natural History Museum, which I’m pretty sure Cora would get a kick out of (thank you, Night at the Museum movies). This list of family-friendly day trips on the Knoxville Moms Blog is also rife with possibilities.

So what’s the upside about staying close to home? Plenty of time to plan and save up for the big family vacation we hope to take someday.

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Resolute

Song Lyric of the Day:

‘Cause all we need is love / And love needs sacrifice / But it’s sure worth the prize / If you get it right (eh!) / ‘Cause way up in the sky / There’s no such thing as blind

Young Rising Sons / “High

Last year I wrote that my only real new year’s resolution was to be happy. And, well, this year that’s also pretty much my only resolution. Easy-peasy, right? No pressure. I’m tired of trying to make everyone happy. I’m tired of living under a cloud of perpetual self-made stress. I’m tired of waiting for people to forgive each other. I’m tired of certain individuals’ nonstop negativity. I’m tired of negativity in general.

I say all this as an inherently negative person; I work hard to not be so negative all the time. I was not born with a sunny disposition, nor did I grow up in a happy, Leave It to Beaver-esque home. I’m a glass-half-empty-and-full-of-poison type. The term “bitchy resting face” (BRF) was coined because of/for people like me (the struggle is real, people). You get the picture. So I am choosing to just focus on being happy and what I think will make me happy.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m not going to take up skipping everywhere and holding hands with neighbors while singing “Kumbaya.” I’m not going to walk around with a smile plastered on my face because (A) it only exaggerates my BRF (don’t ask me how) and (B) it’s just plain creepy to walk around like that.

I’m going to continue enjoying the me time that I have, when I have it. I’m going to sleep more because I fucking love sleep and need way more of it to feel human.  I’m going to catch up with friends I haven’t been able to see or talk to in a while. I’m going to keep taking my dog on walks so he doesn’t get out of shape (Caleb was essentially his personal trainer). I’m going to keep journaling, which I haven’t done regularly in years; I’m using My W Days on my iPad. I’m going to keep saving up for the new camera I want — the Canon EOS 70D — and hope I get to buy it sooner rather than later. I’m going to keep writing because it’s fun getting lost in worlds and with characters I’ve created. Most importantly, though, I’m going to keep spending as much time with Coraline as I possibly can since she is the most genuinely happy person I know.

Happy girl

Coraline goofing around on a neighbor’s tree stump

 

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Here’s to a New Year

Here’s to 2016 being a much better year than 2015 was. Seriously — 2015 can suck it.

Last Mommy/Coraline selfie of 2015

Last Mommy/Coraline selfie of 2015

Last family portrait of 2015

Last family portrait of 2015

Midnight selfie with the spouse on New Year's Eve 2015

Midnight selfie with the spouse on New Year’s Eve 2015

 

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There and Back Again

Song Lyric of the Day:

Many places I have been / Many sorrows I have seen / But I don’t regret / Nor will I forget / All who took the road with me

Billy Boyd / “The Last Goodbye

Last year I was ridiculously fortunate to be invited by my friend Nan to accompany her on the trip of a lifetime. She won a trip for two to New Zealand in the Hobbit Fan Fellowship contest. I had suggested she enter, and she said that if she won, she’d take me with her (I posted her winning movie at the end of this post). Clearly, she made good on her word, for which me saying thank you again to her (for the millionth time) still doesn’t seem adequate. Still: Thank you, Nan. You are forever my Hobbit boo. I knew when I first met her that we were going to be great friends, but I could never imagine how much and in how many ways I would come to treasure our friendship, and she knows that extends much deeper than the trip. Although that is some really fantastic icing on the cake.

Last week some of our Fellowship friends got together for the one-year anniversary. Neither Nan nor I could afford to fly to London, but we were with them in spirit. It would have been great to see some of our new friends again and reminisce about the trip as well as make new memories. Maybe next year we can manage to join them again.

It’s a strange beast to be a part of something like this. I can only speak for myself (and Nan, to an extent), but the Hobbit Fan Fellowship trip was a truly life-changing thing. Even before we set off on our first flight (of three) on the long journey to New Zealand, Nan and I knew we were going on the trip of a lifetime. Not only was it an all-expenses-paid trip, but New Zealand 100% Pure, Air New Zealand, and Warner Bros. went all out with the events, surprises, excursions, chartered flights, special guests, and even meals they planned for us (open bars rule!). It really was the kind of vacation experience most of us can only dream of. My only regret is that Nan and I couldn’t share it with our family and other close friends, a regret I imagine some other members of our Fellowship might also have.

We did, however, get to experience this with 148 other people from all over the world, 74 of which were the lucky “plus ones” like myself. We got to know the sweet, kind, funny, smart tour guides, Air New Zealand flight crew, Warner Bros. reps, and camera/sound crew who led, accompanied, spoiled, and documented us every step of the way. While we didn’t get to know or talk to everyone on the trip, those we did were like us: eternally grateful to have been invited on this journey. The Fellowship is made up of a really good bunch of eggs.

I hope and will do my best to save up so that Nan and I can join them for another reunion, one I would love to bring Rich and Coraline along for. Because after hearing about the magic of New Zealand and Rich reading her The Hobbit, Coraline can’t wait to experience it all herself someday.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to treasure my memories of that magical week in the Real Middle-earth, and be happy I have 149 other people who know exactly what it was like to be there.

I made sure Nan was right next to Peter Jackson for our group photo following the screening of The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.

I made sure Nan was right next to Peter Jackson for our group photo following the screening of The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (she’s to his right, and I’m right behind her).

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The Hot Flash Queen of East Tennessee Celebrates Fall

Song Lyric of the Day:

I’m too hot (hot damn) / Called a police and a fireman / I’m too hot (hot damn) / Make a dragon wanna retire man / I’m too hot (hot damn)

Mark Ronson (featuring Bruno Mars) / “Uptown Funk

In case you were wondering who the Hot Flash Queen of East Tennessee is, that would be yours truly. Going back at least eight years, I’ve had problems with overheating. An episode of the show The Closer made me paranoid that I had early-onset menopause, which freaked out both me and Rich. That turned out not to be the case, but those blessed (ahem) hot flashes continue to this day.

My general practitioner worked really hard researching different things — and ruling out others — to figure out why I was sweating when it was 30 degrees out. He definitively ruled out some things and referred me to a cardiologist friend who “likes medical mysteries.” All Dr. Heart figured out was (1) my heart was in great shape (yay!) and (2) my internal thermostat was out of whack. He had me take and record my temperature when I felt fine, and then when I felt like I was overheating to compare; on average, my temperature rose about 3 degrees. So it wasn’t just me feeling like I was getting hotter. I then ended up getting referred to an endocrinologist.

Dr. Thyroid, like my GP, definitively ruled out a lot of things and couldn’t precisely diagnose me either. It wasn’t until I had a routine checkup with Dr. Ladyparts that I got some semblance of a diagnosis: Did you know that you could get hot flashes up to 10 years (!!!) before menopause kicks in? When she told me that, all I could think was, well, isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic? The course of treatment: Deal with it. And build a yurt/fortress in the backyard Rich and Coraline can retreat to for their own safety once I actually do hit menopause. Which will very likely be earlier than expected. Go figure — I put the “pro” in procrastinate, so of course my body is all, “Surprise! I’m trying to get you into menopause ASAP!”

So after yet another summer spent primarily indoors or running for the cover of shade like when I had to be outdoors — thanks to any day with a temperature above 75 degrees, which was most of them — I’ve been giddy over the cooler temperatures fall has ushered in. GIDDY. We attended a close friend’s wedding in Colorado at the end of August — an outdoor wedding — and I can’t tell you how worried I was that I’d just pass out and/or die of heatstroke that day. Fortunately there were plenty of shady spots on that farm (and endless mojitos), enough to tide me over until the sun started to set. And there was much rejoicing.

I’ll keep enjoying the mild fall temperatures until it gets ridiculously cold this winter, which I will not complain about as much as you’d expect, because it means I won’t be so hot I’ll feel like I’m going to faint. I’ll complain some, but not a lot.

I do mean it, though, about Rich and Coraline having a safe place/panic room to which they can escape when I hit menopause someday (knocking on wood that’s still many years away). Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to turn into one of those women in that Saturday Night Live Annuale commercial. Rich and Coraline are going to need one really big hat to hold the eff onto.

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Photoblogging: Mother’s Day 2015

For Mother’s Day this year, Rich and Coraline let me choose what I wanted to do since, as Coraline reminded me at least a dozen times, “it’s your special day!” I decided that I wanted to check out the brunch at The Cheesecake Factory, where I lived it up with a Belgian waffle and Buffalo Blasts, and got a slice of cheesecake to go. We then swung back by our house to drop off our leftovers and so Rich and Coraline could give me my Mother’s Day presents: two dresses from New York & Co., Clinique nail polish and a face mask, and bacon seasoning (for the win!). The gifts were spot on, particularly the pink patterned dress I’d been looking at the night before on my iPad; Rich was amused to discover that I’d been thisclose to buying it for myself.

We then went to the Knoxville Museum of Art, Coraline’s first-ever visit to an art museum. She did pretty well for her first visit, although she is far from being ready for the guided tour. I loved that she asked for me to photograph her in front of the art she liked the best. My favorite was the inverted Mona Lisa made with spools of thread by Devorah Sperber; viewed through a glass orb, the image was then right-side-up. It was recognizable enough even upside-down that Coraline exclaimed, “Hey, it’s Mona Lisa!”

After the museum we changed Coraline into the shorts, T-shirt, and sneakers I’d grabbed at the house so she could play at Fort Kid across the street from the KMA. She had a blast and made some friends, while I tried not to die of heatstroke even sitting in the shade (I think the temperature was close to 90 by then). The heat made Coraline a bit cranky on the drive back home, but her mood improved significantly once she cooled off. During her afternoon nap, I passed out on the couch with Buster since being outside in hot weather pretty much drains me of all my energy. Also, it was Mother’s Day and I didn’t feel like doing housework.

It was my turn for bedtime duty, and as I tucked Coraline in bed, I thanked her again for making Mother’s Day so great. She said, “You’re welcome. And I wasn’t even bad today!” That’s my girl, and I’m so lucky to be her mom.

Cora next to Woman and Child in a Meadow

Coraline by her (first) favorite painting, Untitled (Woman and Child in a Meadow) by Catherine Wiley.

MD 1

Taking in the museum

MD 2

“Mom, take a picture of me in front of this one!”

MD 3

I loved this piece so much.

MD 4

Rich on the KMA balcony overlooking World’s Fair Park

MD 6

Standing in front of another favorite painting

MD 7

Coraline giving her first TED talk

MD 8

Enjoying the giant wall Lite-Brite in the kids’ area

MD 9

Coraline took this picture! Turns out she took 13 more almost-identical ones, but I think she got a great shot of us.

MD 10

Me and my best girl. She was giddy at the thought of us wearing our maxi dresses for Mother’s Day. Of course, she topped off her look with a tiara.

 

 

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A Conversation With Coraline: Bird, Meet Bee

“Mommy, I really want a baby sister.”

“I know. Tell your father since I can’t do anything about that without him.”

“Yeah, because he needs to be at the hospital to help when the baby is born.”

“Well … that’s, uh, part of it.”

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Things That Go Bump in the Night

Song Lyric of the Day:

All I want is to be left alone in my average home / But why do I always feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone, and / I always feel like somebody’s watching me

Rockwell (featuring Michael Jackson) / “Somebody’s Watching Me

A few weeks ago Coraline started exhibiting some anxiety about how safe our house is. She was convinced someone — a “bad guy” — was going to break in. Rich and I were asked on an almost daily basis what would happen if someone broke into our house. She would also obsess over noises, needing to know exactly what she was hearing and from where in the house the sound originated. It wasn’t uncommon for her to hear a thump or a lawnmower start and fly across the room into our arms. Her anxiety would ratchet up at bedtime, almost like clockwork. Rich and I did our best to reassure her that our house is secure, that our dogs would never let anyone get to her, and that Mommy and Daddy would never let anyone hurt her, either. Even Buster the Attack Cat would help keep her safe. We went through all the measures we take to keep her safe, including keeping our house secure, and it seems like that finally sunk in for her. This is where I’d like to point out that for all the horror movies and scary shows I watch (The Fall almost gave me nightmares), I always wait to watch them until after she’s in bed for the night. If I didn’t, her anxieties would be pretty damn specific, with her maybe mentioning a certain hockey-mask wearer or cave-dwelling creatures or demon-possessed dolls or Bughuul.

It’s been a while now since Coraline has mentioned the “bad guy” and her anxiety seems to have completely faded. Unfortunately, now my and Rich’s anxiety about home security has ratcheted up. It seems as if crime in Knoxville is on the rise of late, with the news (and friends and colleagues) reporting about home invasions, car break-ins, and robberies on an almost-daily basis. Some of that crime has hit frighteningly close to home, so we’ve been taking measures to not only improve existing security measures, but to bring about a bit of peace of mind, for all of us.

I’m trying not to let my own increased anxiety affect Coraline. Rich and I never discuss certain things around her since the child hears everything, and while I’m doing my best to remain extra vigilant, I don’t let her see the measures I’m taking to do so. It’s a fine line to walk these days: We need to live our life, but also be aware of everything going on around our property and in our neighborhood. Times like these remind me to be grateful we have the kind of neighbors and neighborhood where we all watch out for each other. At least the bad guys haven’t robbed us of our sense of community.

Jamie Dornan as creepy-ass Paul Spector in The Fall

Did I mention The Fall almost gave me nightmares? That show had me scared to go to the bathroom. For reals.

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Finding My Me Time

Song Lyric of the Day:

Baby you need time for yourself / I’ll give it to you / All the rest seems to logically follow

Earlimart / “Time for Yourself

I’ve read parenting blogs for several years now, even before I became a mom. As such, I have read a lot of posts where parents (usually fellow moms) complain that they can’t find or get any me time. Which I think is total crap. As parents we spend a lot — hell, the majority — of our time with or on our kids to raise them right, spend quality time with them, help with their homework, make sure they are fed and clothed, that they get to bed on time. That’s a lot what being a parent is about, and something for which I, and lot of others, willingly signed up. That parenting takes time should be no surprise because we are raising small human beings. But we still need to find even five minutes a day to spend on ourselves. Our sanity requires it.

I work outside the home, and as Coraline has gotten older and more self-reliant, my typical day has changed quite a bit. I usually take my me time during the workday. I always have a book in my car, so come lunchtime, most days I hop in, drive to a restaurant, and enjoy a silent solo hour of reading while I eat. It’s wonderful me time. An added bonus is that the servers at my usual haunts know me, so I get great quiet service. On the days I either grab lunch with friends or simply can’t get away, I still make sure I take my book and find a quiet corner somewhere in our office building and take a short reading break. Failing that, I wait until Coraline is tucked in for the night then kick back with Buster and watch a little bit of TV after checking in/hanging out with the spouse.

I think parents also need to let go of unrealistic expectations for what qualifies as me/kid-free time. It doesn’t need to be a spa day or an overnight hotel stay away from the family. Hell, when Rich takes Coraline so I can go to the supermarket/Target/PetSmart by myself, it’s like a vacation. A vacation I make the most of because it’s time for and by myself. Even if it is technically running errands.

I’m lucky that Rich is (1) around and (2) a hands-on father. That makes it a bit easier to grab quality solo time on both our parts, because we can leave Coraline with the other parent, and we work at coordinating that so we can each get away now and then. Sometimes we even manage to get away together. Coraline is remarkably self-sufficient now, so we just leave a big bowl of water out and baggies of fruit snacks around the house for her while we’re out.*

 

I would love to know how — and even if — single parents and stay-at-home parents find/make me time for themselves. Because I really do think it’s important for our — and our kids’ — well-being that moms and dads get that little bit of time to decompress or just do whatever the hell they want for a little while. Even if it’s something as simple as not watching kids’ TV. Because surely I’m not the only parent who gets sick of watching certain kids’ shows or family movies on repeat, right? Right?!?

I can say with certainty that if I were a stay-at-home mom, I’d be running for the hills as soon as Rich got home from work. For at least five minutes, anyway.

"Wait, you left me fruit snacks where exactly?"

“Wait, you left me fruit snacks where exactly?”

*I am of course kidding. Don’t call CPS. She is watched by family members during those times. Who provide her with a big bowl of water and baggies of fruit snacks.

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Little Big Girl

Song Lyric of the Day:

I’d like to show you a million things / I’d like to make the world for you a better place / But when it pours, it really rains, so / Put on your boots, and let’s play

Sleater-Kinney / “Lions and Tigers

Coraline has always been a little ahead of the curve for almost all of her developmental milestones: rolling over, crawling, walking, talking, long division. It seems like only yesterday we were counting how many words she was using in a sentence: four, five, eight, twelve. Now I have a teenager trapped in a 4 1/2-year-old’s body, who knows how to properly use the word compromise to get what she wants, speaks in paragraphs, and says things like, “I can breathe perfectly fine without using my nasal spray.” I won’t mention how inflated her ego got when she got bumped up to the fives at preschool late last year, “Even though I’m still four!” She’s also schooled herself on how to be passive-aggressive, prone to comment when the weather’s nice that “this sure would be a nice day to go to a park or playground.” Yes, kid, we know it would be.

It should come as no surprise then that she had all of her baby teeth by the time her first birthday rolled around. What did come as a surprise to me during her dental cleaning at the end of January was when her dentist announced that Coraline had two loose teeth. While I thought I might cry at hearing the news that my baby already had loose teeth, Coraline beamed, proudly exclaiming, “I’m growing up so fast!” My reply: an internalized sob.

Her dentist said that while it was a little unusual to have loose teeth that early, it wasn’t unexpected given that Coraline had all her teeth by such a young age and that we shouldn’t worry about it. Of course, as soon as we left the office, Coraline wanted to call my mom to tell her the big news. She then went on to tell every single person she encountered that she already had two loose teeth and would ask if they wanted to see them. Everyone in the greater Knoxville area knew about those loose teeth and that she was in the fives even though she was still only four.

Cut to a couple of Saturdays ago when we were all doing yard work. I asked Coraline if I could see how loose her tooth was only to discover it hanging by a thread. And so, at the ripe old age of 4 years, 6 months, and 12 days, and after a bit of hysteria on her part at the thought of her tooth finally coming out, Rich had the honor of yanking the tooth. She wailed like a woman in church about the blood (which lasted all of one minute), then looked in the mirror and said, “I can’t believe I lost my first tooth!” We celebrated by taking her to Bruster’s for some ice cream. Even though I don’t really care for ice cream, I indulged out of moral support. It took her a couple of days to work up the nerve to leave her tooth out for the Tooth Fairy. She was happy to find a tiny Iron Man toy plus $2 and a quarter. That’s a fortune when you’re 4 1/2 years old.

One week and two days later, tooth number two was ready to come out. Rich again did the honors, only this time Coraline calmed down quicker. She looked in the mirror and saw the blood in her mouth, announcing, “I look like a vampire!” Clearly she was getting the hang of how to handle losing a tooth and looking forward to another visit from the Tooth Fairy.

It’s hard to believe how quickly my baby is growing. She even got bumped up to the big girls’ dance/gym class recently, another fact she enjoys sharing with everyone she meets. Oh, and she currently has three other loose teeth. Pray for me.

Coraline at almost 2 1/2 years old (photo taken 2/15/13)

Coraline at almost 2 1/2 years old (photo taken 2/15/13)

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Coraline the other night showing off the gap where her two bottom teeth used to be (photo taken 4/19/15)

 

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