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The Winter of Our Discontent

Song Lyric of the Day:

Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days / When our momma sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out

Twenty One Pilots / “Stressed Out

I’m over this winter. Normally I love winter since it’s cold and I can’t overheat like I do in late spring and then summer, but this winter has been miserable. Why exactly? Because Sebastian has been sick since January 12. I remember the date, because it was the day before Rich was due to leave for India for work for 13 days. Good timing. Sebastian woke up covered in vomit that morning, so we of course immediately thought “flu!” and rushed him to the doc. It turned out to be a stomach bug and a little cold. Rich felt better leaving for his trip knowing he was not leaving me with a flu-afflicted baby.

Sebastian then got a virus, which started clearing up after a few days. Meanwhile, as Rich was away and that always upsets the natural balance of things, Knoxville got snow. One whole inch of snow led to three school snow days in a row — combined with MLK Day that Monday, Coraline and I were home with her sick brother almost all week. At least she had school that Friday, albeit on a two-hour delay.

The second Sunday Rich was away, Sebastian got sick again and was so weak with fever and bordering on lethargic that I was positive his virus had turned into the flu. I called my mom to come sit with Coraline so I could take him to East Tennessee Children’s Hospital to get looked at. When I told Coraline that Abuela was coming to watch her so I could take her brother to the hospital to get checked out, my poor girl got hysterical. She adores her baby brother and has been terrified of him getting the flu since she knows it can be fatal for babies. I did my best to calm her down, although I ended up crying a little bit, too, since she was so upset. I reassured her that I was sure the docs at the hospital would tell me I was just being a paranoid mommy, but she replied with, “I just want to spend as much time with him as I can while I can,” as she went to embrace her brother. It’s not like hearing her say that, through sobs, ripped my heart out or anything. Mom got to our house in about a half hour (she ROCKS) and Sebastian and I left for the hospital. I managed to stake out a corner in the waiting room relatively away from other people; it was full that night, and half the kids were wearing face masks because of flu-like symptoms. We got there around 8:20PM and didn’t end up getting home until 12:55AM. Turns out it wasn’t the flu, just the first day of a new, second virus. Poor Sebastian had blood drawn and spent most of the night in my arms practically fainting from his fever.

The next week was a bit of a blur as Sebastian had me up several times every night. I took to calling him the Fever King since he had so many I lost count. I’m very fortunate in that my job is portable and I can work from home, so when Sebastian felt well enough to play I’d work. I’d then haul ass to get even more work done while he napped since that was my longest uninterrupted stretch during the day. But with a very sick baby who is very clingy when not feeling well, I ended up working most nights after the kids were in bed to finish what I couldn’t during the day. I’d wrap up working for the night between 10 and 11PM, then rush to do a few household things, then try to get an hour or two of sleep before Sebastian’s first wakeup. He’d inevitably wake up with a fever; we’ve gone through I don’t know how many bottles of Infants’ Tylenol and Infants’ Motrin these last few weeks.

Finally the Friday arrived when Rich was flying home. One hour before his scheduled landing, I was changing Sebastian’s diaper before heading to the airport when I noticed his torso was covered in a rash. Another call to the nurse triage line (my second or third at this point) followed. Rich landed safely and the nurse called back while we were at the luggage carousel. After I answered what felt like 100 questions, the nurse assured me she was certain it was Roseola, which meant that the virus was coming to an end. Finally, our little boy was going to be well again, right? Yeah, not so much.

Sebastian was still sick enough that I had to keep working from home with him, but now with Rich home again, he was able to work from home with him a bit so I could get in to the office a few days. Because things weren’t fun enough, Coraline’s school district canceled school Monday and Tuesday that week due to illness since so many kids and teachers were out with the flu (among other things). They had school Wednesday, only to have school canceled the remainder of the week. That weekend Sebastian got sicker — again.

As he was exhibiting flu-like symptoms again, back to the doctor we went. It wasn’t a virus this time, but his first-ever ear infection. He got prescribed an antibiotic, but a few days later somehow got sicker while on it. Back to the doc, where he got diagnosed with a double ear infection and put on a second, different antibiotic. And — because this has been the winter that keeps on giving — you guessed it, he got sicker. Back to the doc, where his doctor took one look in Sebastian’s ear and said it was so infected even a first-year med student could diagnose it. That’s right — his double ear infection had gotten worse while on the second antibiotic. Sebastian was then put on Augmentin, which eventually made progress on the ear infection while destroying his stomach in the process. His doctor had warned us how harsh it would be on Sebastian’s stomach, but boy, it was more vicious than we anticipated.

As I write this, a little more than seven weeks since Sebastian first got sick, he’s still not quite back to 100 percent. He’s pretty close, though — I’d put him around 90 percent. He went eight days before developing another fever this past Friday, but it was a low-grade one of 100 degrees. He also currently has a very runny nose and a little cough; the last few weeks he learned to recognize the Boogie Wipes package, so that’s made wiping his nose extra fun since he fights it. (I don’t know why since those wipes are awesome when you’re sick.) Best of all, he’s eating again. He had next to no appetite at his sickest; breastfeeding was all that was keeping him from dehydrating. And, if I’m honest, as a Puerto Rican, it freaked me out that he wouldn’t eat. When people don’t eat, it freaks us out. We need to feed you. Not eating is weird and scary. At least Sebastian would take his beloved pouches, which oftentimes were the only thing he’d eat for days on end.

I know things could have been much worse, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t the most stressed I’ve been in ages during Sebastian’s illnesses, particularly while Rich was out of the country. I made a point to thank Coraline for behaving so well while her dad was away, since she was a big help with her brother. I’m lucky that my parents and sister are in town (as well as close friends) and a phone call away if I need anything, like the night I needed to take Sebastian to the hospital. Now seven-plus weeks, three antibiotics, lots of Children’s Benadryl, Infants’ Tylenol, Infants’ Motrin, 4 negative flu tests, 4 negative RSV tests, and one negative strep throat test later, my baby is finally getting back to his normal, silly, noisy, bottomless eating pit, mess-making self.

Now if only it were spring …

Sebastian on the go

Taken when he felt good one morning, before he napped and woke up with a raging fever later that day (2/19/18).

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The New Dynamic

Song Lyric of the Day:

Yeah, I need you right now / So don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me down / I think I’m losing my mind now / It’s in my head, darling I hope / That you’ll be here, when I need you the most

The Chainsmokers featuring Daya / “Don’t Let Me Down

Over the years as I’ve watched friends add to their families, they’ve all told me basically the same thing: that adding a second child to the mix is more like adding three or four more kids, and that adding a third or even fourth is much easier than when the second was born. I am happy to say that did not turn out to be the case when Sebastian was born. Granted, as I wrote the other day, I felt like I was going to die from exhaustion, but I never felt like we’d taken on too much by having a second kid. I honestly think a lot of that is because of the age difference between Coraline and Sebastian; they’re a little more than six years apart. I think if Coraline had been even a couple of years younger that would have made things feel as chaotic as I’ve had friends describe, because she would have needed me much more than she does now. By the time Sebastian was born last year, Coraline was already little miss independent; she’s quite self-sufficient and great at entertaining herself. She had one jealousy-induced meltdown when Sebastian was around two months old, and so far that’s been it. I think she was just really tired that night — she started whining then crying that her daddy was “playing” with Sebastian and she wanted him to play with her instead. All Rich was doing was holding Sebastian so I could finish making dinner. We’re really lucky — and surprised — that she just had the one jealous episode. So far, anyway.

That’s not to say everything has been sunshine and roses since Sebastian graced us with his presence. He sees sleep as a suggestion, so working around the one good nap he might take during the day is always interesting. He used to scream his way through stores, making running errands even more fun than it already was; I think he was basically playing out his dad’s dream scenario of letting me know how much he didn’t want to tag along on errands. If it were socially acceptable, I promise you there would have been a few instances already where Rich just started yelling in the middle of a store — think Kohl’s during Black Friday shopping. Sebastian was also anti-bottle for the first few months, which meant I could only leave him with Rich, my mom, or another family member or friend for maybe two hours max before I had to get back so I could nurse him.

We’ve all adapted well, though. Rich and I made it clear to Coraline early on that if she ever felt like we were ignoring her because of all the attention her brother needed, particularly early on, that she needed to tell us. We told her sometimes moms and dads are just so tired with a new baby in the house that they may not even realize how they’re behaving due to disruption of the old routine. She’s copped to things being different and missing doing as many things with just me as she used to, but now she and Rich enjoy some new daddy-daughter routines that were born out of me having to nurse and take care of Sebastian. I made a point of having a mommy-daughter day with her on the last day of her fall break this year just so we could enjoy some baby brother-less time together. She admitted that while she loves Sebastian lots, it was nice to have me to herself that day. I need to make a point of doing that more often with her as Sebastian gets older and the tether he has on me continues to lengthen and loosen. That day was good for both of us, for different reasons.

Mommy-Daughter Mani-Pedi

Coraline and I enjoyed our first-ever mani-pedi on our mommy-daughter day.

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Happy Halloween 2017 From Pubert Addams

Sebastian As Pubert

Drawing a mustache on your baby and slicking down his hair are some of life’s simple pleasures. Happy Halloween!

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Done Went and Had a Baby

Song Lyric of the Day:

Like when I close my eyes and don’t even care if anyone sees me dancing / Like I can fly, and don’t even think of touching the ground / Like a heartbeat skip, like an open page / Like a one way trip on an aeroplane / It’s the way that I feel when I’m with you, brand new

Ben Rector / “Brand New

I logged in to my blog the other day, trying to remember if my last post was in the spring (I could have sworn it was), only to be shocked to see the last time I posted was the day before Sebastian was born. That’s right – I now have a second kid, Coraline is a (fabulous) big sister, and Rich has his very own Mini Me. My unintentionally long, almost year-long blogging break reminded me of the short-lived show Up All Night, when Will Arnett’s character reminds Christina Applegate’s character that she last updated Facebook the night before their baby was born, and that people probably thought she’d died. As with me, that was happily not the case.

So what have I been up to these last 11 months? The first six weeks after Sebastian was born were all about surviving an ungodly level of exhaustion. There were nights he would wake up after only 20 minutes of catnapping; I can’t rightly call what he was doing sleeping. Why was he up so often? Because we didn’t get really good at nursing until he was about 6 weeks old. Once he started latching correctly each time, he would get nice and full and then he would sleep. It was such a relief to finally get more than 20-minute catnaps. We’d get two-, three-, even four-hour stretches. It was glorious.

In hindsight, I never should have said Coraline was a bad sleeper as a baby, because sweet 6-pound, 8-ounce baby Jesus, Sebastian made his sister look like a fricking sleep Olympian. But we survived. Although at times it felt like I wouldn’t. I had several days where I would cry purely from exhaustion, as well as days I’d cry that it looked like he wasn’t putting on weight no matter how much I nursed him. Once we hit that 6-week mark, though, everything improved across the board. And boy, has breastfeeding this time around been an experience. I’ll try to write more about that another time; I promise it won’t be 11 months from now.

I admit that I was ready to try for a second kid a couple of years ago, but needing the spouse to be on board with that kind of thing is a pretty big deal. And, you know, kind of important. Coraline had of course been lobbying for a sibling for about three years prior to Sebastian being born. Originally she wanted a sister we would name Elsa. Then she decided a brother wouldn’t be so bad. Then she decided one of each would be great. I shot that idea down pretty quickly. She’s a great age to be a big sister, though. She’s been helpful from the get-go, getting me things she knew I’d need (wipes, the Boppy pillow, a burp cloth) before I asked for them. She’s also great with Sebastian and has even been able to soothe him at times when Rich and I couldn’t; it makes me believe that she really can understand his baby talk and interpret what he’s telling her. Sebastian is also pretty fond of her. Watching them interact is one of my life’s greatest joys. They’re also not yet old enough to fight, so I’m enjoying every second of their current peaceful existence.

I hope to get back into updating my blog semi-regularly. I’ve missed it — and writing in general. (My sincere thanks to the one reader who still checks in occasionally.) For now, though, I’m going to call it a night as I haven’t slept more than six hours straight in almost a year. Luckily it’s been for a very good reason.

My babies

Cora reads to (then 3-month-old) Sebastian

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15 Years Later

Song Lyric of the Day:

I thought a light went out, but now the candle shines / I thought my tears wouldn’t stop, then I dried my eyes / And after all of this, the truth that holds me here / Is that this emptiness is something not to fear

Mary Chapin Carpenter / “Between Here and Gone

I’ve written before about what this day means to me. This year it meant a new, fresh fear: Would Coraline ask me about it? Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to tell her about it without becoming a blubbering mess. How could I explain to my 5-year-old what I still don’t understand myself 15 years later? Thankfully, she didn’t bring it up, likely because she still hasn’t heard about it. When she does, though, Rich and I agreed that he will be the one to tell her about it. I’m sure I’ll be sitting right there with them both, but he’ll be able to maintain his composure where I wouldn’t.

Today, as always, I’ve been thinking about Adam. And Adam’s family and friends, which leads me to think about Ryan and his family and friends. To be honest, though, I think about both Adam and Ryan a lot, not just on this day.

Earlier this year my sister and parents went to New York City. While paying their respects at the World Trade Center Memorial, they took a picture of Adam’s name etched into the stone for me. They also brought me a little card showing the location of his name. I keep it on a shelf above my home desk so I see it every day. Because I, like so many others, will never forget.

Adam's memorial

Adam’s memorial

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30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 20

Day 20. The last argument you had

I don’t remember what causes most of the arguments I have, so I’ll go with one of the few I do remember. It was while I was pregnant with Coraline. Rich thought it would be a good idea to share with me some artwork he was working on of his ex-girlfriend, as well as the (sweet, he alleged) story behind it. I argued that maybe that wasn’t what his pregnant wife cared to see. He didn’t get it. It took him a few days to come around and agree that maybe it wasn’t the best idea in the world to show his pregnant wife artwork featuring his ex-girlfriend. And yes, he did apologize. Also, no I never bothered to ask to see that artwork.

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30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 19

Day 19: Something that never fails to make you feel better

I can say sex, right? This blog challenge warrants honesty, so I’ll go ahead and say sex.

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30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 18

Day 18: Disrespecting parents

This is, I think, a stupid prompt. Unless you have the world’s worst parents, they deserve at least some respect. I say this from the point of view of someone who is now a parent: I (along with the spouse) do what I think is in Coraline’s best interests and hope she doesn’t end up screwed up down the road because of those decisions. Knock on wood, so far, so good. At least she respects me right now. As much as a 5 1/2-year-old can, anyway.

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30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 17

Day 17: Things that make you scared

Ah, this list could go on forever. I already wrote about the horrific political climate. In addition to that, there are plenty of other real-world things that scare me: terrorism, health epidemics, the possibility of economic and social collapse, my recurring nightmare of being in a car accident, home invasions, being terrified of dying young and leaving Coraline without a mom, family and friends dying. Real, legitimate fears.

There also completely unrealistic things that scare me. Which is largely where my love of horror movies bites me in the ass. Despite knowing better, I usually end up watching scary movies when Rich is out of town. Which then makes me paranoid and reminds me of other scary movies, all of which basically are about the worst possible kind of home invasion: The Purge, You’re Next, The Strangers. I won’t get into how horror movies have also made me worry about camping and trick-or-treating.

Finally, there are these fuckers:

image

Wavy tubes are the devil’s advertising. Image found via Google search and Satan’s guiding hand.

 

Completely unnatural and totally terrifying.

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30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 16

Day 16: 3 things you are proud about your personality

Loyalty: I’m pretty damn loyal, but cross or hurt someone I love, you’re dead to me. Gotta earn that loyalty, and it is not gained by treating others like crap.

Honesty: Granted, I can be brutally honest at times, which has resulted in certain people being afraid to tell me pretty much anything of substance. Which is fine, but remember: just because I’m being honest doesn’t mean I’m being judgmental. I’m not going to coddle you and tell you what you want to hear to humor you. I’ll try to help you figure out whatever it is that needs figuring out by being honest.

Weirdness: I’m delightfully offbeat. Remember that as you read this blog, since, like my talent for sarcasm, it doesn’t always translate well to the written word.

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