Tag Archives: humor

“So what’d you get me for Valentine’s Day?

“Nothing!”

“Oh, that’s a relief. I haven’t gotten you anything, either.”

With mock horror: “Whaaaat?!”

Walking into the living room and spotting our dog Troubadour wrapped in a blanket on my lap:

 “Oh my God. What is this?”

 Troubadour pokes his head out from the blanket, looking guilty and busted.

 “Umm … he likes to sit in my lap.”

 “You know he’s not supposed to get on the sofa!”

 “Well, technically, he’s only on me, so he’s not actually on the sofa.”

 “How long has this been going on?”

 “Umm … months.”

 “Months?! I feel like I caught you having an affair.”

While driving past a cemetery on the way to my parents’ house for Christmas Eve dinner:

“Hey, have you thought about where you want to be buried when you die? Here, or in Iowa?”

Looking at me in disbelief: “Merry Christmas!”

After finding out that Bundle was a girl:

“God, I hope she has your hair.”

Gently placing my hand over his: “Aww. Me, too, honey. Me too.”

“Thanks for making the bed this morning.”

“Thanks for not complaining about how I did it.”

While scanning the Directv guide: “Hillbilly Handfishin’“? Seriously? How much more of this reality crap can they come up with?”

Rich explains how he’s heard about this fishing technique but can’t remember what else it’s called exactly.

“Wait — is handfishing the same as fisting?”  Pausing. “Oh, wait. That’s something else.”

Laughing: “Wow. I have to put this on Facebook.

“Do you think me straightening my hair makes me look older or younger?”

“What, do you think I’m stupid enough to answer that?”

“It’s an honest question. I really want to know. It’s not a trap, I swear.”

Laughing: “I’m not stupid enough to answer that.”

“So you are saying I look older, then.”